Whirlwind of Fire

I'm back

2009-08-26T19:29:00.000-07:00

So after a long while, I am back. Thanks to the everlasting recording abilities of the internet, I'm able to come back on blogspot and continue spew meaningless rant online. The basis of my existence, really, is to whine about it. It's been a year and I still have not grown and matured. Just goes to show... what exactly? The human condition is constant and never changing?

Blogspot recently reappeared in my horizon through the movie Julie & Julia. The movie is interesting enough. Stanley Tucci is lovely, and totally stood his own next to the incomparable Meryl Streep. After watching the movie I decided that I want to keep a diary again, even though I don't have anything interesting to say like Julie did.

I guess updates are in order. It's like running into a friend you haven't seen in a while; you catch up on all things happened in time between and secretly compare and judge. So since last year, I became a store manager for a downtown location, I completed the first year of my library tech program, and the house that I live in is fixed. And then that's about it. I don't even stalk people on fb as much as before, and that's kind of depressing, because I feel like I'm not in touch. Never imagined that just by taking someone out of their environment they could feel so lost.

Still quite unsure about how this diary idea is going to go, because I have become quite dull-witted. We'll see, the dimness is okay when I don't have deal with it. It's when I come to the realization that's when it hurts.

Summer Vacation

2008-08-01T14:44:00.000-07:00

When I was still in school, summer vacations were such a big deal. And every time it's August 1st, I would regret the passing of one-half of my vacation. It would always feel like I have done nothing in the month that passed, and I would always vow to not waste the remaining month of my summer vacation. Sadly that is not always the case.

Now I'm all grown up and in another age group (see forms, surveys, etc: Age 18-24, 25-30, 31-39, and so on) I am glad to announce that my July was fantastic. I did so much and actually have nothing to regret on this day of August 1st. Happy month indeed. So much of it is because of friends coming and leaving so things have an extra sense of urgency to them. I went to see 3 out of 4 Bard on the Beach with my friend Anitar, who left for TW to teach English July 24th. I went out for numerous meals and the Grouse Grind with my friend Maggie, who tore through Vancouver on a two-week trip for 2 weddings and more.

Come August my friend Vicky is going back to TW for a teaching job as well. People come and people go. Oh, getting kind of sentimental. Let's just look at pictures.

The Audacity of Hope (to travel and other luxuries)

2008-06-23T19:19:00.000-07:00

I was in the process of updating my resume and cover letter this morning, so I was looking for my old ones in my email account. Then I came upon these emails between me and my sister for the duration of her Europe trip last year. I was drawn in by our conversations about family, travel tidbits, and updates on SYTYCD season 3. Really amusing, considering it was around the same time last year when she went.

She had just graduated from UBC and really went forward with this backpack-through-Europe thing that all college graduates seem to do. She and her friends started at London and went around for about a month. The first day she landed in London she called and told me that 1. "There are 5 H&M's on this street, do you want anything?" (right, like I even know what's in H&M's then, let alone express any interest); and 2. it's raining. And it continued to rain throughout most of her trip (or so I'm told). The emails went back and forth, with a couple of episodes and of course, prevalent themes.

One episode was that she realizing she forgot her eurail pass at home. I had to mail it from here to her in Amsterdam. I kept asking her if she'd tried any herrings yet. Don't ask, it's a "The Producers" thing (even though the character was Swedish). Another episode was that she was trapped on a bus going from Corfu to Athens (?) I can't recall. Anyhow, apparently there was a fire in Athens or something, that's why she was stuck on a freakin' bus for something like 12 hours. Insane.

Themes, of course, include homesickness. Like asking me who wants what from where, or the burning desire to eat rice, even if it came from sketchy touristy Chinese restaurants. She asked about everyone's schedules so she could call at the right times. However, that was completely necessary, because my mom would freak out if she does not call. Like right now, she's freaking out because my sister had not called from Kelowna for the past two days she's there. Another thing is the money issue. Seems like everyone has money issues when they travel in Europe. Maggie was so broke by the end of it she had only chocolates to eat when she was in Belgium. I deposited money to her account and I told her about it in the emails.

Sometimes reminiscing is fun. Others not so much. I just looked at my cousin's blog for the first time. She has her own life now, I barely know this person. Obviously she would say the same about me, but it's still sad to realize that. She lives in Shanghai now, apparently, with her boyfriend. Who knew?

So when we were growing up, I was always the one who got to go places. I was the one who went to live in Dallas for a summer, and I was the one who went on an exchange trip to Japan in high school. After that the amount of traveling I've done dropped to zero. Zero. No traveling for me of any kind. Not even out of Vancouver. My sister, on the other hand, traveled to Europe, she went on business trips to such exotic locales as Kelowna and Victoria. Shall I say this with jealousy, or a sense of left behind and stuck? A little of both, I would think.

The Savages

2008-06-11T10:52:00.001-07:00

The Savages is a movie starring Laura Linney and Philip Seymour Hoffman. It is about two estranged siblings reunited to put their father, who has dementia, in a nursing home. Sounds simple enough, but the acting in this movie makes every emotion more raw and poignant. I watched it and I thought it was fantastic.

Indeed, this type of subject matter I have never seen before. Something that everyone has to go through, yet I rarely hear of it. Probably because I am not at that age yet where I can actually take care of my aging parents. However, if the time does come, I probably would not object to put them in a care facility. Obviously because I am no good at caring for others, and it is not easy taking care of others. But it is not even just that; there is a scene in the movie where the grown children ask their father what his arrangement would be should he become a vegetable or died. How do you ask someone that, especially someone whose future is imminent with death? Laura Linney's character is hesitant and in denial when confronted with all this. I believe it is natural to feel that way.

Which is why I must make arrangements in advance to avoid all this. And I hope the same conversation will be easy for me and my parents when the time comes.

Coloring

2008-06-03T18:31:00.000-07:00

【Me原色組合】自覺紅色 + 潛質藍色 + 原生靛色

【掌控型】享受權力帶來的快感，總想辦法掌控一切的人。
喜歡掌控全局的感覺，深深地被權力所帶來的力量和快感吸引，認為掌握權力是讓自己快速成長，累積經驗最好的方法。面對難關時，有天生的膽識和魄力，雖然有些自我中心，但卻是能開創新局
的領導人才。

【掌控型‧Me原色組合色彩本質】

　。自覺紅色：勇　氣
　。潛質藍色：行動力
　。原生靛色：冷　靜

【掌控型的外顯行為】
急性子，凡事講求快速，希望在短時間之內達到立竿見影的成效。下決定的時候果斷、不拖泥帶水，有膽識。性格明顯，快樂時非常快樂，悲傷時特別悲傷，脾氣來的快也去的快。
很少曲意奉承，是有話直說，坦蕩有禮的人。個性光明磊落，不喜歡檯面下的小動作，覺得事情攤開
來講比較踏實，毫不隱晦，不太能認同模糊隱晦曖昧不明的狀況。

【掌控型的潛意識】
相信天地之間有公平正義真理的存在，是心胸開闊的人。
善於權衡輕重，尤其擅長由理性與邏輯的角度衡量。
有良好的規劃及執行能力，是很好的協調者，能夠理性的分析狀況，並提出建議；在遭遇困難時，
所給予的意見大多是「如何解決眼前的困境」這類具有實質幫助的建議，這是他們表現情感支持的
方式。

【掌控型的靈能意識】
活力十足，博愛且很容易相信別人。深信必須有完美的信任團隊才能夠完美的合作，無法容忍背
叛，會因為過去的背叛經驗而喪失了對人的信心，對於人性和道德，有自己一套嚴格的標準，尤其
認為人應該光明正大，無法忍受人性隱晦的那一面。
對人生目標和規劃有全盤性思考，當他做好準備，就會行動力十足。對於生活周遭的事物感覺敏
銳，對新鮮的事物和新朋友有十足的好奇心。
喜歡榮耀、被稱讚的感覺，對於自己拿手的事物，有時會有些自我中心。相信自己有某種與生俱來
的天賦，想說服他，必須合乎他認知中的道理才有機會，才能得到他的認同。

I like some parts of it, but I am really not that active. Just because I picked red I am outgoing
and resourceful? Please. And I totally embrace the evil side of the human experience. Does not
mean I let it slip, but I do recognize that sometimes, people are just stupid and evil. And so
deadly wrong on the part that I'm in any way sensitive. I am the biggest dud ever, unless
someone tells me upfront that something is going on, I would never even suspect anything.
So all in all, pretty inaccurate if you ask me.

Meaning

2008-06-02T15:30:00.000-07:00

I have in my hands the most recent issue of GQ. This offended some people when I said I must be a closeted gay man, since I love to read GQ and Detailed. Both magazine having a very urbane, very sophisticated tone to their articles and arts, but obviously targeted at the male audience. Nevertheless, I find their articles more exciting and diverse than that of women's magazines. Case in point: last year both GQ and Vogue (or Vanity Fair?) sent reporters to go along on Bill Clinton's charity tour in Africa. The GQ reporter talked in-depth of Clinton's work and the location's political climate, and the situation of Clinton's charitable foundation. The Vogue article, however, talked of the palpable sexual chemistry Bill Clinton has on women in a room. Le sigh. Are you serious?

Anyway, I digress.

GQ is awesome, even the clear objectification of the women that show up on their pages. This issue they have Daisy Lowe and Emmanuelle Chriqi. Mmmm. The article that prompted me to rant on about the magazine is called "Leave No Man Behind". It is about the government agency JPAC (Joint POW/MIA Account Command) and civilian volunteers who join their forces and go to different parts of the world to search for the American soldiers who'd died or went missing years ago. It is an emotional piece, leading from a man named Tommy Doyle who was told his father Jimmie Doyle left his family after his stint as a tail bomber in the Pacific during WWII. Turns out not so much. The article went into details all sides of the story, with so much human interest that it was a great read.

The magazine also had other articles. Their man on the cover is Shia LaBeouf. I don't know why all guys I know detest this wise-cracking youth, but I find his quick wit hilarious. Also the magazine teaches you how to grill. Not that I ever grill, but you never know when it may come in handy. All in all, a solid read for my last day of vacation.

TV

2008-05-29T13:32:00.000-07:00

TV is my life. It is in my blood, seriously. Recently my mom just revealed to me that when she and my dad first got married, that's what they did, watching tv at home. I love that anecdote, bears meaning to my existence.

Summer TV officially started on May 22nd, 7pm PST; when So You Think You Can Dance Season 4 started its LA auditions on channel 9. Loved every part of it. However, I will refrain from gushing till the Top 20.

Another summer pastime that seem somewhat interesting is "Human Tetris" and "I Survived Japanese Game Show". Both, from what I can gather, are based on people making fools of themselves on Japanese game shows. Youtube it, Japanese game shows are freakin' hilarious. Probably for the first couple episodes, then I will probably grow weary of it. Such is life.

Other than that, my life has no significance. Ciao.

I heart RDj

2008-05-08T15:53:00.000-07:00

Iron Man came out last weekend, but I did not get a chance to go see it till today. I've always loved Robert Downey Jr., but this movie, this character, is all him. Tony Stark's lifestyle and personality all speak to RDJ's own past, making him extremely fitting for this role; and of course his good looks and charm win points as well. If you are a fan of Robert Downey Jr. then you must watch this movie, that's all I have to say.

The movie itself I thought was good. Not great, but good. Jon Favreau's appearance throughout the film I thought was cute. Jeff Bridge's villain is simple yet effective. The visual effects and costume design were awesome. Iron Man is a very basic, down-to-earth comic book turned movie kind of film, but it wins in its simplicity. I thought this would be this year's Transformers, but it's so much more, because of RDJ's Tony Stark.

As for me, aside from the obvious infatuation with RDJ., nothing's been happening. Getting a week off soon but not doing anything. We'll see if I can stand staying at home for a week.

Less Wise

2008-03-29T14:48:00.001-07:00

A week ago my top right wisdom tooth began to give me trouble. It was growing in the direction of my cheek and was causing bleeding and inflammations. I did not know this at the time, but when the dentist checked it out that's what he said. It was a painful week, I couldn't chew, I couldn't yawn, I couldn't brush my teeth properly because my mouth would not open without hurting. It was a very humbling experience, when you deal something as basic as your body.

I was reluctant to go back to my old dentist to pull it out. First, because he is too far (in Vancouver, I live in Richmond. Anything requires me to go over a bridge or highway I consider too far). Secondly when I had my one wisdom tooth taken out by him it was kind of traumatic. He yanked at it so hard that my head was bouncing in the chair. Not a good experience to have.

Luckily, a coworker recommended her dentist in Steveston. Close enough I thought, and made an appointment. So two days ago I went in for a check up. It was evening time and the dentist office was quiet. The place was wide and spacious and the people were nice. I filled a form, and was trying to figure out how much the Starbucks dental plan would cover. The front desk lady helped me out by looking up other people using the same plan, and it turned out to be 100%. So the doctor checked it out, took 2 xrays to make sure it is only the wisdom tooth that's giving me trouble, and I made an appointment for extraction on Saturday.

I went in Saturday, really really nervous because I was fearing the same thing would happen. I was given anesthesia and the doctor began working on the tooth. It was a success. There was no pulling, no yanking, no bouncing of the head. I was deliriously happy (and drooling, not very used to the numbed half-face thing). I am so grateful for the extraction and the dentist's superior skills. When the last two are out I'll be the least wise of them all. Amen.

The Darjeeling Limited

2008-03-24T14:49:00.001-07:00

The movie Darjeeling Limited is about the three brothers reunited in India for a spiritual journey after their father died. The three brothers are played by Owen Wilson, Adrien Brody, and Jason Schwartzman. It is directed by Wes Anderson, who also directed Rushmore and The Royal Tenenbaum. The movie is very stylized in the way that the Westerners see the mystique of the Eastern world. India is portrayed by its faded colonialism and crowdedness. How does this play into the relationship of the brothers I am not sure.

There is a short film before The Darjeeling Limited, called Hotel Chevalier. It is like a prequel to The Darjeeling Limited, with Jason Schwartzman and Natalie Portman. In a way, it solidified Jason Schwartzman's character, but throughout the actual film, Natalie Portman's character became like a whiff of smoke, neither here nor there.

I like how Owen Wilson's big brother character kept on making "agreements" to control his little brothers, only to have them break the agreement almost immediately. Also how Anjelica Huston turned out to be the mother who ran away from everything (no wonder the boys were confused). It's a film about family, I think, more than about brotherhood. Sure, they reached an understanding at the end of their spiritual journey, but that seemed really slapped on at the end for effects.

Generally speaking I did not dislike the movie, but it was hard for me to get through, that's for sure. I liked The Royal Tenenbaums better.

Javier & Natalie

2008-03-17T20:21:00.000-07:00

But most importantly, Stellan Skarsgard was brilliant as Francisco Goya, a Spanish painter who lived through the Spanish Inquisition and the French Revolution. Using his obsession with Ines, played by Natalie Portman, I thought Milos Forman did a fantastic job illustrating this particular period of time at this particular place (excuse the pun).

Personally I have never heard Goya the artist before, but his work is really amazing and has such raw power coming out of it. I loved Javier Bardem's Lorenzo, who struggled and shifted from one ideal to another in the movie.

Can I just say I really liked this movie? Just thought I should make a record of it. Too bad it was not widely released in Vancouver, otherwise it would have been really tempting. However, considering my track records (ie. La Vie en Rose), I probably would have waited till the DVD came out anyways.

Interesting... speaking of DVD's, I still haven't seen Todd Hayne's I'm Not There at my local video store yet. Pity, I really wanted to figure out what Ben Whishaw was saying in the movie.

Passive-aggressiveness

2008-03-15T22:24:00.000-07:00

Tolstoy wrote, "All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." I don't know how long it took him to go from that line to the rest of Anna Karenina, but that's a pretty goddamn impressive first line for a novel. What is brilliant about it is that its truthfulness and universality. Happiness is obtainable when a few simple criteria are met: financial stability, good health, and good humor of all involved. Unhappiness, on the other hand, is an infinite combination of the unfulfilled void in the lives of all involved. The precision of the unhappiness in families is what makes it unique in every situation.

I hate to write about my family problems, but this is the only safe place I can vent. I have written ad nauseam about the financial problems, the delinquency problems, and so on and so forth. However, all these is compounded by the fact that my mother, like so many other sensitive and proud kinds, takes everything so personally and have no allowance for random lapse of filial piety from us to her. Let me illustrate by what happened last night, and how our entire family is still suffering the consequences:

Yesterday, she decided to get to the bottom of her visa bill, which showed a $218 item for Fido cellphone. Obviously, it would be my brother's cellphone, because he is the only one that uses Fido. The question is, how did Fido get paid, as she did not authorize the payment. Therefore, I spent an hour talking to Visa, then talking to Fido, then relaying the bad news to her. No, Fido did not just take the money, someone took her card to Fido and made payment on it. I can figure out with my big toe that that someone is my brother. So she confronted him when he came home late (12am) and started a screaming match. I will spare the nauseating details (seriously, both me and my sister wanted to puke), but the fight consisted of: my mother yelling at my brother, my brother screaming back, my mother forbade my brother cellphone usage, my brother taking out his sim card and throwing it at his desk, my mother yelling at me, I spoke loudly at her. Then she cried a little and decided to sleep on the floors in the living room because us kids are "all the same" (she sleeps in the same room as my sister and I, we have very tight quarters).

Now she is giving us the silent treatment, which I really could not give a damn about. First of all, she has pulled this before, and I was so terrified then. It was over something minuscule, too; she got mad at me because I told her flat out that I don't tell her how much I am making because I don't want to. That lasted for about 3 days. She gave all three of us kids attitude then, refusing to get into the car when we go pick her up at work, refusing to talk to us. Then finally she bought a bathroom rack and we installed it together, that's when she talked. So now, I really don't care anymore. She is the adult here, and she is still pulling this silent treatment stunt. My sister is still scared as hell, my brother just don't care, like he usually does. I know I am supposed to be more thoughtful and sensitive, but I am just not that kind of person. I don't snuggle up to my mom and ask her how her day is.

Now for the second night in a row she is sleeping on the floor. Yes, we should all be so horrified at such treatment of my own mother. But she is the one who made the decision, and she is going to live with it, not me. We even changed her bed sheets and made it all nice, she just said,"Put that bed in the other room, I won't be sleeping here anymore." To that I say fine, be that way. Why should I be dealing with this anyway?

-geez, always something to rant about. my life is one big rant.

Last time

2008-03-04T17:25:00.000-08:00

This is going to be that last time I'm going to obsess about being 25, I promise.

So the other day, I was browsing this high school friend's blog. And he wrote that one of our mutual friend is engaged. Now, I've known this engaged guy since I was in elementary school, and I suppose it was a bit shocking for me to hear that.

To add to the list, a friend who also works at the bucks got engaged in December to my former boss, another old time coworker got engaged recently, and just then on facebook yvette announced her own engagement.

All I'm saying is, are we at that age already?

The age to be grown up, to settle down, to carve out a place for your own family and life? What's the rush? What's the incentive for marrying early? Combined assets and tax benefits? Someone else's last name after your own? Or God forbid, because of love?

Give me a break.

I suppose for someone's been single forever it's hard to comprehend the kind of commitment a person can have with another. So benefit of the doubt is necessary. However, seeing how the marriage is between my parents, I can't help but dread the "m" word, and its extention, the "e" word.

I don't know if this is normal...

2008-02-22T23:01:00.000-08:00

... but I have this constant pain in my right foot, near the base of the littlest toe.

Just joking, the foot pains I get are of the normal kinds from standing all day.

However, are normal 25-year-olds dealing with consistent youth delinquency and meeting vice-principals?

Or the improbable task of paying for $130,000 of mortgage (plus 6%+ interest) while her yearly income is a meager $30,000?

Or living in what the $130,000 has paid for: a construction site, with full-on jackhammer action and stuff?

Or dealing with ~~racist~~ disrespectful strata council members and ~~incompetent~~ disrespectful construction personnels?

All I'm asking is, is this normal?

Because right now it doesn't feel like it, really. I want to have faith, and I want to be positive. But so far I just can't see the light. If before when I realized that I could not pursue my dream and move to Japan, it was like being hit by a car, then this time when I realized that I am leading a somewhat sub-standard life, it's like being roasted alive slowly.

And don't give me the bull on looking to the less-fortunates to realize my good fortune to have roof over my head, family surrounding me, steady employment, and freedom. Because I have always found comparing oneself to the less-fortunates is a snobby thing to do. There is no comparison, period.

I might just being emo right now, but those are the facts of my life, and I don't like it one bit. Neither do I have any solutions for them, except carry on being roasted and continue being in denial.

You know when You are Pushing a Certain Age When...

2008-01-25T20:19:00.001-08:00

1. You start liking things that you normally didn't go for. Like looking at handbags on eBay. Seriously, something as feminine as handbags, designer handbags no less? And babies. I no longer cringe at the sight of small children. Instead, I attempt to smile and wave at them. Perhaps even one day I will touch them. The horrors.

2. Retro music starts to sound real good in your ears. The Classics, you might say. Like 80's hip hop/dance music. (Please insert background music of Salt'n'Pepa's "Push It" here) I believe it to be a pathetic attempt to bring back the fond memories of tights and extra-large sweatshirts and scrunchies.

3. You start to pay attention to the many follies that may enhance the ravage of age on your face and body, like McDonald's, the sun, dry weather, and generally anything that consists of living prior to your 25th birthday. I go to the gym, use eye cream, and shop for groceries (including yogurt). What has the world come to?

4. Begin every other sentence with, "Back in my days..." or "I remember this one time..." Why would you even use the phrase that makes you sound 20 years older than you are?

5. Damn, I forgot. Oh right, the combination horrible short-term memory and fleeting attention span makes you go "Eh?" every 3 minutes.

6. Hormones kicking in. Starts to get emotional over the littlest things. For example, I totally teared up during the opening sequence of "Juno", when she was walking down the street downing a 4-liter Sunny D. By the way, it's such a lovable movie, and everyone in it were so awesome. Big love to Juno's dad's line, "Find someone who think the sun shines out of your ass." *sob.

Some of these changes are quite sudden, but some are long time in the making. So far, it's hard to tell if I'll fulfill my dream as a old spinster with 7 cats, because I haven't started on the collection of felines yet. However I'm already halfway there, so here's to aging!

Musings from Spending 2 hours on eBay looking at nothing but Handbags

2008-01-20T17:50:00.001-08:00

I was going to spend my time more constructively, like actually purchasing a case for my eternally tortured iPod, which has scratches and smudges all over it. However, I got distracted from the search for the perfect case; and instead, I focused my energy on looking for the perfect handbag/pouch. It's an extra difficult endeavor made by my irrational demands: 1. no Coach, because it's becoming a supermarket brand (e.g. every time I go pick my mom up from work, there is bound to be a middle-aged lady with a Coach purse); 2. no vintage, and 3. no ugly. I thought these prerequisites were quite reasonable, so I plunged head first into the depth of eBay Canada, handbag division.

Originally, I was searching for a pouch. A little thing with wrist strap that's big enough for id, cash, and possibly cellphone. I was wrong. Without Coach, there is not much to choose from. Why in the world are there SO many listings for Coach bags? Are they insanely popular because they come with crack cocaine in the hidden pockets? Superior design? Doubtful.

I did, however, saw two listings that had me salivating (metaphorically speaking). One is this little Louis Vuitton dark brown leather pouch. It was perfect. Kind of large, but perfect. I think it was going for $100+. Same deal goes for this beautiful tan Hermes goat leather bag. The luxury was just oozing out of the picture. That one was going at $300+. Not something that I can afford.

In the end, I figured, if I can't have it perfect, then I probably shouldn't have it at all. Because really, at the end of the day, I cannot justify that kind of purchase. The laments of a little barista.

Recap

2008-01-15T22:05:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since I've posted here. Since my last post I've weathered through the holiday season as well as my birthday. I'm 25! Quarter of a century old! Assuming I live to about 75, and frankly, that's too much already, I've lived a third of my life. One third. Amazing. I'll just leave that idea up in the air for pondering purposes.

The holiday season was good. I actually got days off so I was very happy. My loot for boxing day include a pair of dark jeans (yay!) and a couple of CD's. I didn't do much of anything, just stayed home and watched tv. I saw Sweeney Todd, and became unbelievably addicted to the song "A little priest" by Angela Lansbury and George Hearn. Johnny was the hotness, as usual, and Helena Bonham Carter was so good! Loved her! She has now another dimension to her for me other than Bellatrix Lestrange. I also saw Charlie Wilson's War and I am Legend, both wonderful movies. I saw Big Fish on tv the other night, and I was all teary-eyed when I watched the last bit about the father's death. All in all, a very productive holiday.

We didn't have much of a feast of any kind. I had a bowl of beef noodles for my Christmas eve, and that was so delicious. I love beef noodles. For New year's day, we went to Little Sheep for some Mongolian hot pot. Their signature soup base was so fantastic I had a whole plate of beef all by myself. I usually don't eat much meat when I'm eating hot pot, I'm more a tofu/meat balls kinda person, but it was SO good. One more thing, no alcohol for the entire holiday period. None. I don't know what happened. One day I will celebrate properly, one day.

And then it was my birthday. I spent the entire day with my mom. I guess it's only fitting. We went to get my birthday present (work shoes), and went shopping for my birthday dinner (Costco). It was good. I don't care much for presents, but I was still very thankful for the gift San brought for me. All in all it was a good birthday.

Now it's back to normal, or until Chinese New Year when we try to do it up. Until then, I'm going to try to get back to my routine of attempting gym visits twice a week, attempting to bring lunch to work, and attempting to be happier everyday. I can at least pretend, and I imagine my most optimistic friend saying, "That's the spirit!" (since I don't believe in resolutions and all, but that's a whole other can of worms).

Perfect evening

2007-12-21T12:14:00.000-08:00

I had a perfect evening last night. Went out with Bard buddy Anitarrr to see I'm Not There, and had Los Margarita before that. And plus, on the way walking there, we went into a store called Chocolate Arts. Mmmm, talk about a lump of coal a.k.a. delicious chocolate. Also the fact that I was offered 2 passes to see Sweeney Todd before it officially comes on the next day only sweetened the day even more, even though I had to sacrifice Johnny for Cate. Still, pretty sweet day if you ask me. But I'm getting sidetracked.

With interweaving storyline like I'm Not There, it was kind of hard to follow at first. But you develop a bond with all these characters that are supposed to be some kind of reincarnation of Bob Dylan. Anitarrr said don't take it literal, because all these characters are more metaphorical beings. First of all, I liked the movie. I especially enjoyed the bits of Cate Blanchett as Jude Quinn. There's such an air about her, it's really refreshing and mesmerizing watching her on the screen. Loved Ben Whishaw, although I didn't really understand what he was saying. But all these charcters are so complex and intense on their own, it's hard to imagine what the real Dylan is like.

怖い

2007-11-18T17:03:00.000-08:00

A lot of people seemed surprised to hear that Japanese was my major. Most proceeded to ask what I'd do with it, but I've yet to come up with a satisfactory answer to that question. I know why I wanted to study it: 1. I couldn't get into Commerce/International Relations/Economics because of my poor math; and 2. I really liked studying Japanese. So there. I did well, and for my last year, I enjoyed it so much I began to understand people's leanings towards considering grad school during that period of time. It's like eating a sugar cane backwards, it's sweeter as you go.

However, after graduating, I abandoned Japanese entirely. No Japanese books, dramas, music, magazines, whatever, I didn't come in contact with anything Japanese. The only things I had that were Japanese were the Nana and Death Note comics. When I started reading them I read them in Japanese, so it seemed appropriate to continue to read them in Japanese. But other than that, I completely grew out of touch with my love. I don't usually notice it, because these random stuff I've replaced with English equivalents, like television or books. But sometimes when I turn around, I am reminded of all things Japanese that I once loved.

Like Shiina Ringo (椎名林檎). I looked her up on youtube, and I found a clip of her singing 歌舞伎町の女王 (Queen of Kabuki-cho) live. It's so wonderful. I listened to it over and over again. And I organized my cd's, and uploaded all my Glay songs. Oh my god, seriously, I have so many of them, and it's an incomplete collection at that. But I listened to them, and I missed them so much. So back to youtube I went, looking for live clips, new stuff, etc. Thank goodness for youtube.

This sudden nostalgia was halted by the sharp realization of how much I've forgotten all the things I've learned. For the past couple of days I've been trying to remember what does the construcion v-とする mean. I cannot remember, and it's sad and scary at the same time. Time to hit the books, I suppose. I don't really have much else to do.

Self-explanatory

2007-11-13T12:36:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling too dumb to write anything worthwhile.

Glad

2007-11-09T21:51:00.000-08:00

I'm quite glad that there's only about 4 people who know the existence of this blog. It gives me a wonderful sense of security. It's comforting to know that what you say and what you put on here barely has any consequence, but that does not mean there's no weight on these words and my thoughts.

Ah, who am I kidding? It's a rant page (rampage, get it? haha) and let's face it, often when one rants, the words tend to be exaggerated a tad bit. So the question is, is there really weight on my words and thoughts on this blog? The answer is yes, albeit very, very lightweight. Featherweight, really.

My indulgence of the day: usavich. It's awesome, I'm so addicted right now. Soooooo funny! Seriously, go, now, and watch it.

Another Night

2007-11-03T18:50:00.000-07:00

I like my two-day weekends, just because after living my entire univ/post-university existence with no such thing, it's a nice break to have "weekends". Two days in a row, no less. Anyway, I usually use my second day of the weekend to do grocery shopping so I don't choke on Starbucks breakfast sandwiches because I eat them so much. Today's experience? Let's just say I had numerous thoughts of self-mutilation circling around my mind throughout the trip.

Backtracking a little, I was driving down No. 3 Rd. to get where I wanted to go. The traffic was gawd-awful. And the music, the music blasting from the speakers in my car. God I wanted to take out the car keys from the ignition, stick it in my ears, and puncture my eardrums. I wanted to take off my glasses and smash it, and use the broken pieces to gouge out my own eyes. I wanted to use another piece of my glasses and slash my throat with it, or at least inflict some kind of puncture wounds so I would leave this earth faster than the ambulance can make it through the serpentine of cars in the traffic on No. 3 Rd.

So one can say my day was not good. There were people everywhere. I get cranky when I enter into a crowded space. Plus my throat hurt. Oh how I love to whine.

But my mood got considerably better when I got home and I found the song that I liked so much (secretly) when I was small. It's "Another Night" by The Real McCoy. How did I find this song? Well, it's a long story. I was watching "Listed" on MuchMoreMusic, and they were counting down the 20 best dance hits. Then they mentioned The Real McCoy, the elusive name that escaped me so many years ago. I wiki-ed The Real McCoy, and found out the name of the song! So I found the song, and it takes me back. Sometimes, it's great to wallow in the past, though no good comes out of it.

beard papa's

2007-10-28T17:22:00.000-07:00

On an idle Sunday afternoon, after I dropped my mom off at work, I decided to go to the nearby Aberdeen Starbucks to get my weekly markout. The lineup of cars to go into the parkade was ridiculous; however, I persevered, and found myself a spot. I consider myself extremely lucky, because it's the Sunday before Halloween, and all Chinese parents with little kiddies were going to be there for the various Halloween-related events that the mall has put out for them. I don't blame them, it's easy to get excited about a holiday, and that's when you get them, in their wallets.
But I digress.

I mean to write a post about beard papa's, which is a cream puff place that I assume came from Japan (or Hong Kong, I'm not too certain) that is supposed to be good. Like so good that there's a constant line-up, and each customer can only buy a maximum of 1 dozen cream puffs. It's on the third floor of Aberdeen, and you can't miss it. It is right there, with its "Grand Opening" sign and the line-up of people. They pulled out the line separators so there are 3 rows of people serpentined in front of the store. When I saw that I consulted Tiff. There's a Chinese proverb, "Now that you are here, make the best of it," or something to that extent. Therefore, I made the best of it, I joined the line-up.

Now, I don't mean to brag, patience is one of my best virtues. Remember when Jurassic Park first came out and it was such a big deal? There was a Jurassic Park ride at Universal Studio when I went with my family 10 years ago. We lined up for it, twice. There were at least 3 huts with the line of people just standing there, and there were these misters that spray us with cool water just 'cause it was so damn hot. My point is, I can outwait anyone, for anything.

So I lined up. And I stood there, just observing. It was getting warm, so I took my tuque off. Thank goodness I got a berryblossom white tea along with my markout, otherwise the waiting would be less bearable. Everyone else in the lineup, either in front of me or behind me, were really patient as well. I guess it's the anticipation that keeps them at bay, I know that's what it is for me. About 20 minutes into my waiting, I finally got to the final row, the row that's closest to the counter, the row that is only five steps away from the register. That's when I see that they have run out of puffs. And all the rest were in the 2 ovens. The Japanese ladies who were serving customers apologized to the people closest to the register, and announced to everyone that it was going to take 25 minutes for the next batch to be ready.

Not being able to make any kind of food-related decision myself, I consulted Tiff again. She was disappointed, and I was sure I could not just stand there for 25 minutes by myself. In the end, she said it was up to me. I hung up, not sure what to do. So I decided to hang around and just watch the timers on the ovens count down to zero. Also, no one else was budging; I'm pretty sure their sentiments were all, "I waited this long, I'm not about to give up now!" Well, comrades, likewise.

This must be what trench warfare feels like, was one of my thoughts. Another thought was, these puffs better be damn good for me to line up for an hour to pay $19/dozen. The waiting was made bearable by more white tea, and little spurts of activities behind the counter, like one of the girls counting money, or two of the girls preparing the to go boxes. Finally, a man took trays and trays of puffs that's been cooling and put them on the counter for the infusion of cream custard. And he took out the puffs that's been in the oven on the cooling racks. I counted, each tray contained a dozen, each oven held 6 trays, and there were 2 ovens. It takes 36 minutes to bake and to cool. That's 144 cream puffs every 40 minutes, and if everyone just buy a dozen, then no wonder they would run out.

The anticipation just builds and builds, I was almost weeping by the time that I was next in line at the register. I asked for a dozen, handed over the $20 bill that's been sitting in my pocket, and watched the 2 ladies expertly powder sugared the puffs, put them in little paper pockets, and shoved them all into a large box. When I finally got my dozen of cream puffs, you have no idea how happy and ecstatic I was. It was like an emotional roller coaster, the anticipation just takes you higher and higher, until you are at the peak of the ride, then they give you that yellow paper box, then the relief and the completion of task and sense of accomplishment just all rushes at you like wind in your face. It was great.

I called my sister as soon as I got them. It was awesome, I said, you should totally line up with me next time.

Oh yeah, I ate one when I got home, it was delicious.

FB can be hazardous

2007-10-19T11:21:00.000-07:00

Apparently, one of my 'friend' from facebook (in real life my coworker) actually went and read the terms of facebook, and found out that fb can claim ownership to all that you put up in fb. Including pictures, which they can do all kind of things with. I don't quite understand the intrinsic danger of having someone else own your pictures, but I must categorically say this: Beware!

Beware, also, of the stalkers on fb. I just looked at pictures of the birthday party of the younger sister of a high school acquaintance... and saw a guy whom my friend had a crush on in high school. Small world, ain't it? He seems to be going out with one of the girls in the picture, but I am not certain. Though a picture may be worth a thousand words, there's only so much you can tell from a random group photo of bunch of twnese girls and a lone hk guy off to the side. See what I mean about stalking?

After 5 days straight of openings, I finally got to sleep in, only to the sounds of constant jackhammering. I persisted, however, for another hour, until I couldn't pretend I'm lying under the sun on a beach somewhere anymore. I hate this construction going on. Had a nasty experience with workers that I won't go into details. Though apology was issued, it remains an uncomfortable situation that I shall remember for a while yet.

Did you know?

2007-10-10T10:38:00.001-07:00

Television is addicting. I love watching television but I often refrain from writing about it because it's only of entertainment value and there's really nothing to write about. For this fall season my repertoire of programs to watch include: ANTM, The Tudors, Heroes, CSI, Project Runway Canada, and to a lesser extent Dancing with the Stars.

I must clarify, however, Dancing with the Stars is strictly my sister's show. I only watch it when she's watching it. Reasons why I would never claim this to be my show are: 1. It's too cheesy; 2. The results show cuts into my Tudors, and made me miss crucial moments in Henry VIII's court.

ANTM used to be exciting; one or two girls may be the oddballs out (ie. not conventionally beautiful) but this season, they all look like mall rats. You have to smack so much make up on them to make them look somewhat like a model. I look at the lot of them and I want to cringe. And every time Twiggy says, "The camera loves you." it makes me puke a little in my mouth. I'm keeping my fingers crossed and hopefully after the makeover (haircuts; who knew a different coif would change a person so much?) they'll look like they are on their way to become America's Next Top Model.

Even though I claim Heroes and CSI to be part of my repertoire, but really, since they started I've only watched 1 episode of Heroes and none of CSI. I even missed the ending to the Model Killer, and that made me mad. No amount of recap can make up for the real thing. I want my CSI! Heroes is getting way exciting, except for the part that Hiro's hero, Kakezo Tensei, turns out to be a white dude. I'm sorry but no, it just doesn't work that way.

Project Runway has been one of my favorite shows. I love love love Chloe and Daniel V from the second season; they made truly fantastic garments and I love their talents, everything. The third season was more drama less talent. But after watching a third season marathon, I'm beginning to like Jeffrey more. He was such a jerk when I first watched, but now he's alright. His aesthetic is definitely different and exciting. Project Runway Canada, however, seems to lean most of its weight on Iman, the host. The Who? for their mentor, however, is a big disappointment (seriously, I can't remember his name). He is no match for Tim Gunn, and every time I see him I just want to shave him. Still, pretty dramatic for a first episode. Not much going on yet but I'll keep watching.

I watch the odd Top Chef episodes here and there. I figured out why I don't like watching it so much is because: 1. There's no cute guy like last season; 2. I want to see beautiful food, not semi-good food that gets torn apart by the judges because the taste was forgetful. Bleh.

I watch TV and do nothing, and I love it.

其實

2007-10-09T10:48:00.000-07:00

我媽那天看我在讀其他人的blog, 隨口問「你怎麼不自己寫篇故事？」好像blog都是虛構小說一樣。我說我不會寫故事，他回「生活的有趣的故事都可以寫啊。」搖搖頭；有趣?! 算了吧，我的生活中沒有有趣的地方。唯一有的就是不停的失望跟令人感到黑暗的一切。所能做的就是盡量別去想，然後忽然發現有一天就不在了。什麼東西不在了呢? 會是討厭的一切還是我呢? 值得思考。

以前還可以苦中作樂，現在也做不到，實在是很可恨啊。

One day when my mom saw me reading other people's blogs, she asked, "Why don't you write a story of your own?" as if all blogs are fictions. I said I don't know how, and she replied, "You can write about the interesting things in your life." I shook my head, interesting? Forget it, there's nothing of interest in my life. There is only unending disappointment and darkness. All I can afford is to not think about it, and discover that one days it'd disappeared. What had disappeared, you ask? The darkness or I? Pondering.

I used to be able to laugh at my misery, not anymore. Somewhat ticked off by it.

Youthfulness

2007-10-02T20:04:00.000-07:00

This pretty much sums up my teenage years. My love for anything Japanese, including Ayumi Hamasaki. This song I really liked, it's made before her voice got odd and low and pitchy. Her earlier works, like "To Be" and "Boys and Girls" were really good. She was also really good at selling the "cuteness" factor. Look at this video, the girl is adorable. She also brought about the popularity of the parapara dance. Like I said, this video has it all.

Looking at her youthfulness, it just makes me happy looking at her. I think the Japanese is really good at doing this kind of feel-good thing. The earlier dramas (ones made during my elementary/high school years) all bear the same mark that no matter what struggles you have in the process, the end always turns out lovely. But I digress. The point is, this video brings me back. The summers of dial-up, AsianAvenue, downloading Japanese pop songs, and borrowing Japanese variety programs from my friend (oh how I miss Gakkou e ikou). God I feel old.

On my way

2007-09-25T11:07:00.000-07:00

I'm on my way to becoming a manager. Without knowing much of anything, really. After our manager left, and before the new manager arrives, it's pretty much my store. I believe my goal is to 1. take care of my people, 2. make sure the store doesn't burn down, and 3. make sure things get done. Not very lofty goals, but right now I could care less about beating budget and increasing sales, because we are so f&cking understaffed.

Which is why I gotta hire hire hire. And fill shifts. I hate, hate filling shifts. It must be karmic retribution, because I didn't work very much outside my own store when I was a barista, and I don't usually call back people when they left voicemail entreating me to take shifts. So I deserve this. I love the people I am working with, they are all very wonderful. Except they have their own lives, and it's not right to ask them to do anything more for the store.

So right now it's the calm before the storm. I got my two days off. Then we shall see.

In other news, I cannot make it to Lust, Caution. Boohoo.

Limited as it is

2007-09-18T21:01:00.000-07:00

Regardless of how wide the world wide web is, I have a very limited repertoire of places that I go regularly on the web. I check my emails, I look at celebrity smut, I stalk people on facebook, and that's about it. Even with Youtube, I only look at a few things that I've already seen on tv, and youtube just helps me to relive the excitement.

Things I regularly go back to youtube for include the Natalie Portman gangsta rap from SNL (and they keep on taking it down), various routines from So You Think You Can Dance (SYTYCD), and most recently, the Live Earth performance of Madonna and Gogol Bordello, a Roman Gypsy group. The song is La Isla Bonita, and the new interpretation is amazing. And Madonna is amazing, it's hard to learn that she's already 48. I wish I looked that good at 48.

Now Madonna has her own group of dancers who go on tour with her. I am currently very interested in one, I think his name is George but I am not sure. Alas, all is not mighty with Wikipedia and Google. He seems to be of Asian descent, and he may have appeared in Madonna's "Hung up" video, but I am not sure. Anyway, he is really cute!

Limited as my repertoir on web and youtube is, it's still exciting to see them there. (Boy what a crappy wrap-up) My life is crap; there, my usual world-hating life-hating message to you all.

Blast from Past I

2007-09-07T11:37:00.000-07:00

tectonic shift

2007-09-06T19:48:00.000-07:00

As I recall, one of my previous post was about discovering online, that my ex-boss had found a new job and was going to quit. The advantage of knowing before she announces officially, is that there was no surprise, and I wouldn't say anything stupid. Today, however, my current manager dropped bombshells one after another on me.

First two didn't really concern us, mostly district-related stuff, who is going where, etc. Third and fourth things, however, kind of hit home hard. Our dm is moving to another post, so he is leaving the district. Who is going to take over? Who knows? And then, my manager announces that he is leaving the company in October. He is going to be a sales manager at London Drugs. Me, being completely insensitive, remarked on how he is leaving the store hanging. Because it is true, the store I am at, people don't tend to stay very long. And the people left behind has this sort of resentment towards that. I don't blame them, but I digress. So he is leaving, and that's that.

I'm not really sure what to make of it. It's impossible for me to take over the store at this point. God knows I don't even know how to make schedules or do payroll. So someone else is going to come in and take over. On the up side, I'll get to experience a different management style. On the down side, I wouldn't be able to give the new manager much help, because I know so little. And a new dm! The need to forge new relationships, to foster professional compatibilitism (ok I know it's not a word, but you know what I mean), makes my head hurt. I can't wait, though, to see the people's reaction when he announces officially.

To Tiff: I didn't necessary enjoy the day with dad. I just enjoyed looking at new things.

A day

2007-09-03T16:26:00.000-07:00

I spent my day at the Taiwanese Cultural Festival. Most parts it's like the Night Market, lots of booths selling dim sum (I know, it's not Taiwanese) and bubble tea (now this is Taiwanese), as well as random stuff like health food and stitched pouches. However, there was also some real "cultural" stuff, like the steam locomotives display, and art exhibition, also the Barbie exhibition.

The steam locomotives display, is apparently NOT simply "train models". They are actually made from real train parts, just scaled down. Which made me really confused, because wouldn't that be a model still? Anyway, dad was excited to see that, because he'd actually seen one of these locomotives when he was young, when they used to harvest sugar canes where he lived, and ship the sugar canes to the Taiwan Sugar Company via one of those trains. Very cool indeed, real pieces of Taiwanese history right in front of you.

The art exhibition is amazing. There are some pieces I'd like to own. There is this one collection made from bamboo, and has an all-naturalist theme to it. There is this wall hanging, with a lotus flower carved out of a piece of bamboo, simply stunning. Also this bamboo sculpture piece, called 知音, which was quite wonderful as well.

Finally, the Barbie exhibition. Basically they dressed tons and tons of Barbie dolls in tradition Chinese/Taiwanese garments. The exhibition was chronological, so it went from probably the Tang/Ming/Qing dynasty to the early 20s/30s in Taiwan, with the 旗袍, etc, then to recent years. The clothes on the Barbies were AMAZING. I am so mad that I didn't bring the camera, they were all so beautiful. They are like costumes you have seen in books, in paintings, on television, they were all surreal to look at. Extremely impressive.

There was this one booth I visited and ended up buying stuff from, is this group of artists called C-DRIVE. They are all very young, and the art they do is mostly visual art, comparable to manga- and anime-types. However, some of their work I really liked, reminds me of some off-balanced Japanese manga type, or the Tim Burton type, you know? Really dark and whimsical. So I got their magazine. Hopefully their art will grow and expand beyond manga/anime, because that genre is so overdone that to excel you must be REALLY good.

There are some performances that we stayed and watched. The Hakka rock and roll wasn't THAT bad; and the Ami tribal dances that some elementary school students performed were very excellent (yes, na-lu-wan). There were many non-Taiwanese people, so it was a pleasant surprise.

The "UN for Taiwan/Peace Forever" campaign people had a booth as well. I think they were collecting names for petition for Taiwan to be accepted into the United Nation, as an independent country, not part of China. Obviously, this is a political ruse thought up by the folks of President Chen to rally up the nationalist feelings to earn votes in the upcoming election. Because everyone know, no one is going to pay attention to a frigging petition. US doesn't care, because they prefer the status quo; China doesn't care, because Taiwanese people means nothing to them. But today dad said, "If China takes over, then there will be no more Taiwan." I wouldn't be surprised if that's the ultimate outcome, but it is still unacceptable, because Taiwan is part of my identity, and you just can't let something go like that.

Pathetic

2007-08-17T21:11:00.000-07:00

It is very pathetic of me, to over-dramatize everything. Every little thing, I shit you not (is that another over-dramatic comment?). For example, I always feel completely miserable and ready to slit my wrists or something when my parents fart in front of me. Yeah, you heard me, when they fart. Now, I am not saying I never fart or my fart smells like roses, because neither statement is true. However, it doesn't make it any less miserable for me to experience that. It just feels like, "This is kind of excruciating, holding my breath, and I must not take any testing sniffs for 5 minutes." And that makes me sad and not wanting to live on the face of earth for that 5 minutes at least.

When there is not much to look forward to, you live your life one day at a time. That's about the only thing I can say on the topic of my life right now.

Man Delights Not Me

2007-08-04T23:32:00.000-07:00

Man delights not me.

A Shakespearean quote, apparently. Straight out of Hamlet. Was watching The Reduced Shakespeare Company, and this really spoke to me. Because I spend the day dissing people and complaining how I don't like people, and the fact that there are people coming through the doors into my store just plain pisses me off. Therefore, generally speaking, "Man delights not me."

Will never make a good actress, I barely keep my face straight and friendly on the floor these days. Even today when H came in with her mom, her mom could see how stressed out I was. Then again, given the context (alone with three newbies who ask for how many pumps of syrup there are in drinks at every other turn), it's enough to drive you insane.

Afraid not very convincing to communicate positivity to newbies, it's harder these days.

Finally watched Perfume. Lovely movie. Excellent visuals and music. Love love love Alan Rickman, his voice is the sexiest thing ever. Can't wait to see him as the tormented Snape who lost his Lily Evans. And Ben Whishaw is amazing. He played the character so well, so deep and complex. Wish I could see him in Hamlet.

Idea for a novella?

2007-07-04T14:05:00.001-07:00

I've always wanted to write something longer, like a novella or a screenplay. However, most of my ideas are too half-baked and immature, causing me to toss them out like yesterday's newspaper. This no doubt will join the pile, but it helps me cope, so bear with me.

Dad: I want to die. I just survived a major operation, and I came home to rest and recover, only to find my family distanced from me, and my son a disappointment. I cannot communicate wiht him, the words coming out of his mouth not making any sense to me. All I know is he drinks and smokes and joined a gang. He failed his courses at school and is a chronic liar. I worked hard most of my life to provide for him and this family, and this is what I receive in the end. Perhaps it is too late to fix my or his life now.

Mom: I want to die. I married a man who is the same as his son. Both value their freedom and their friends more than this family. I am slaving away at a crap-paying job 40 hours a week to provide for the basic sustenance for my family, and this kind of husband and son is what I get. My high blood pressure is not making any of this easier. I am afraid one day I will have a stroke and die, what will happen then?

Son: I want to die. My parents don't love me, they never did. When I was young, they never paid any attention to me. Now I am bigger and made my own decisions, they come down on me for everything I have done, or have not done. I hadn't been to school, I never bothered with assignments and classes. I liked two girls and they didn't work out, and that made me even more depressed. I started dealing x for this gang of people, I started smoking and drinking because everyone else was doing it. Now I tried to get out and I did, but did my parents know/care? No. Sometimes I think it's better that I had never been born.

I wish I'd never been born as well.

Funny thing is...

2007-06-30T13:23:00.000-07:00

From what it looks like, there are about 30% of evil, about 10% of worries, and 60% of friends on my mind. Which cannot be further from the truth.

However, this picture is infinitely more accurate, as it depicts that minami's mind is all evil.

And my satanic self reverse minami is also very accurate, with a bit of devil thrown in for the 'lie' character in the middle.

And also if you go to the simpsons movie website, you are able to create your own springfield character avatar. This would be me. Ha ha (a la nelson).

I do have a life

2007-06-27T22:35:00.001-07:00

Went to Bard on the Beach last night. I saw Romeo and Juliet, and despite it being a gut-wrenching love-drama with stupid kids who get themselves killed, I thoroughly enjoyed it. The dramatics of Romeo and Capulet, and the refreshing tones of Juliet were magnified by the beautiful backdrop of the mountain and the sea and the trees (not to mention moon on a stick).

After the show there was a "chatterbox", as it was "chatterbox Tuesday". Basically, some of the casts came out after they changed and they answer our questions. So last night we were in the presence of Capulet, Benvolio, Romeo, Juliet, the Nurse and Count Paris. Someone was quite disappointed with the costumes, she had hoped for period costumes, instead they were wearing these very plain white shirts dark pants and white dresses. The only color that was on stage was the rose Romeo gave to Juliet for their wedding. They explained they wanted to let the dramatics and the text to be the center of attention, so that's the route they took. Also someone asked about the dance at the masquerade ball, it was so grotesque and odd (in a good way) that it was really striking. I asked a question too, albeit a silly one, but Romeo answered my question! Ha ha!

So indeed, I do as always, urge people to go see Bard. It's truly an unique experience, and it is always good times.

Tired but not Weary

2007-06-22T10:56:00.001-07:00

It is a quote I saw in the newspapers today. Easier said than done, I say. So obvious is my weariness that a customer outright said that I looked unenthusiastic at my job. How dare you, sir, to comment on my lack of enthusiasm at serving people who are rude and ignorant, for the amount I am being paid? You try it for a week and we'll talk about the lack of enthusiasm.

Right now I look for excitement, any spark of anything would do it for me. Perhaps a new project. Perhaps a course. When television and books have lost their lustre, whatever shall I do?

Indeed

2007-06-17T18:40:00.001-07:00

Indeed is such an effective word. Using it lets you to feign interest, fill in silences, and sound intelligent/ironic.

So my donuts arrived. I left a dozen at work and took a dozen home. Last I checked, I had 5 donuts left. I only ate 1 myself. Love love krispy kreme. I still remember when yvette mailed me a box of kk for christmas. It was such a lovely gesture.

My hair is getting too long. When I can semi-tie it up, it's too long. Yet to find time to get it cut. Good news is (?) I grew out my bangs, bad news is they now look weird. If I don't brush them in a certain way and pull them back with a hair band, I look like a dork. I complain about my look, how feminine, non?

Everyday I die a little

2007-06-14T13:32:00.001-07:00

I am really not doing the 2 days off thing well. Ran around Richmond for errands yesterday. And threw a little temper tantrum at my brother. Actually I threw my keys at him and called him names. Sticks and stones may break his bones, and the nasty name-calling just begets more nasty name-calling. I guess I can put that down in my little log for 'losing composure'. It's so hard to be the bigger person and think clearly when you are put in that situation. And with my brother, I just choose not to. He is not worth it.

And since I am out of things to write, I will put down a song lyric. It's Let Me Live by Queen. It's awesome, you should listen to it sometimes.

Why don't you take another little piece of my heart
Why don't you take it and break it
And tear it all apart
All I do is give
All you do is take me for granted
Baby why don't you give me
A brand new start

So let me live (so let me live)
Let me live (leave me alone)
Let me live, oh baby
And make a brand new start

Why don't you take another little piece of my soul
Why don't you shape it and shake it 'till you're really in control
All you do is take
And all I do is give
All that I'm askin'
Is a chance to live

(So let me live) - so let me live
(Leave me alone) - let me live, let me live
Why don't you let me make a brand new start

And it's a long hard struggle
But you can always depend on me
And if you're ever in trouble - hey
You know where I will be

Why don't you take another little piece of my life
Why don't you twist it, and turn it
And cut it like a knife
All you do is live
All I do is die
Why can't we just be friends
Stop livin' a lie

So let me live (so let me live)
Let me live (leave me alone)
Please let me live
(Why don't you live a little)
Oh yeah baby
(Why don't you give a little love...?)

Let me live
Please let me live
Oh yeah baby, let me live
And make a brand new start

Take another little piece of my heart now baby
Take another little piece of my heart now baby
Take another little piece of my soul now baby
Take another little piece of my life now baby
In your heart, oh baby
(Take another piece, take another piece)
Please let me live
(Take another piece, take another piece)
Why don't you take another piece
Take another little piece of my heart
Oh yeah baby
Make a brand new start
All you do is take
Let me live

I am bored

2007-06-13T11:29:00.000-07:00

So apparently Krispy Kreme is still in operation. Because someone from Ironwood posted on facebook saying that if one wants to help him in his cause (something about Hurricane Katrina), all one's gotta do is purchase some krispy kreme from him. I nearly went nuts when I saw that. "Um, yes please." So I have 2 dozen coming my way on the 16th or after. Can't wait.

The Siren. Went to yet another class today. More effective I think than my previous 2 classes. Am I becoming a true blue manager? I really can't tell at this point.

So it begins

2007-06-05T12:58:00.000-07:00

Another season of SYTYCD.
Will be my preoccupation for a while yet. Summer is here.

I read

2007-06-04T12:38:00.000-07:00

This is what I am currently reading. A 'Best Seller' according to the sticker on the cover. Fascinating, and very easy read for a layman like me. I gained an understanding of the political process of the Iraq War and the internal conflicts. From outside looking in it's easy to criticize the war. However, gaining a bit of the inside workings knowledge helps to see more of what's going on in Iraq than what the media is reporting. That's important too. The media coverage of the war, sigh. We all see the world through tinted spectacles, don't we.

My new mid-year resolution: Be more proactive with my camera and write more blogs. I felt stupid when I didn't produce anything. Words were not coming to me. I guess I have outgrown the phase of 為賦新詞強說愁, but still. Having pictures... might help?

Calm before the storm

2007-06-02T11:48:00.001-07:00

I folded laundry today. That's how much laundry I folded. Whilst watching old home videos of our piano recitals. Pure entertainment I tell you. Special place in my heart for hangers. That's what my mom used to beat us with. Light, cheap, it can be all bent out of shape but still hurts. A really efficient tool for discipline. Those good old days, when a kid gets beaten up for not learning the multiplications table.

And then the recital video. I don't know this person. But it was fun to look at them anyways. To those out there. I have embarassing videos of your past. Including my own.

Then I am off to work. Sucks

Cravings

2007-06-01T20:46:00.001-07:00

Right now, serious cravings for pizza, chicken wings, and beer. Odd. Must be the Restaurant Makeover episode I just watched. It was a sports bar and grill, and the revamped menu items include nachos and pizza, all fanci-fied and female-friendly. Still. Very much my cup or tea (or mug of beer).

Waking up at 3:30 still sucks. I know. I've complained about this ad nauseum. But the feeling is still true the first time I woke up at 3:30 as it was this morning. It's ok now, that the sky is lighting up earlier, but what happens in winter?! What happens in winter?!! Kind of pissed off now that I won't complete my training till early December. Which means I won't get my 'final' till probably mid-January, just 'cause of all the holiday stuff. And then I wonder when I will get my own store... sigh. I think becoming a store manager is the short term goal I have at the bucks right now.

However, should I explore other options?

What other options?

Mystifying question of the night. The night when I craved pizza and beer.

TV

2007-05-31T13:58:00.000-07:00

Did you know there's a Modest Mouse song called Dashboard? The video is hilarious. But don't go out your way to find it, it's truly not worth it.

Jack and Meg White are going to be performing at the Deer Lake Park on June 24th. Want to go but too chicken to go to a concert (in Burnaby no less) by myself. Yes it's still true, I don't have friends.

And again, another non-news, my brother still steals. Yeah. Sad, eh?

Right now outside my window and outside on our patio, are sounds of construction workers talking and drilling. I don't know what they are drilling, and I don't know what they are talking about. All I know is that I can't go out on the patio to enjoy the searing sunlight, and we are going to dish out another 10-20,000 for this dilapidated craphole we live in. Excuse my bitterness.

You say there must be some good things in my life. Sure, first things first, all this bitterness may be PMS. Secondly... nope, nothing. Oh yes, Bard coming up. Anticipating reds/whites, lineup to the porta-potties (or jiffy-john as I saw on the back of a truck yesterday), and a lovely time. Yes indeed.

Life is all anticipation?

Optimism/Pessimism?

2007-05-23T19:50:00.001-07:00

Optimism or pessimism? Positive or negative? It's easier to be hatin' than lovin', and require less work. To say yes means commitment, to say no is to shut down and move on.

I'm sure no one knows what I'm talking about, but you don't have to. Because I don't either.

I disagree though, with the idea that to be negative/pessimist means to be 'real'. Reality is such a tangible thing, how can one declare what they see/feel/hear is reality? Circumstances change, that's the only constant thing in our lives, and to see things only in a certain way is like having no peripheral vision, you don't see everything. You don't see reality.

I give up. To give a lecture on my own half-baked theory is as hard as to rake my brain with more words to describe how much I do not care for Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan. It's easier to moan and complain about my life. About how much I need a break, and how freaky (kinda) it is when people I recognize vaguely ask me if I came from Terra Nova. Yes, I am known. Isn't that scary?

Loving Taiwan

2007-05-20T11:41:00.000-07:00

I immigrated to Canada with my family 14 years ago, when I was 10. My parents' reason was to provide us with good education. And for that I thank them. I thank them from the bottom of my heart for providing me with this opportunity to gain a more well rounded view of the world, and sacrificing themselves in the process. I think I speak for many immigrant families when I say that.

I have never been criticized for not "loving" my homeland of Taiwan. Sure, I have had experiences of "green"-leaning (those who think Taiwan is an independent state and not part of China) friends in high school who would flare up at the mention of unification between Taiwan and China, or anything to lower Taiwan's status. I always found that interesting, but always chose not to participate.

I don't speak Taiwanese, I don't immerse myself in Taiwanese culture, and I sure as hell don't agree with Taiwanese media and their reportings of Taiwanese politics. I do, however, agree that Taiwan should be an independent state. There is no point for Taiwan to be a part of China. It was never a part of China (same as Tibet), so I really don't understand what is the big deal. I don't see why Taiwan cannot exercise its own sovereignty, and that is what Taiwan should strive for.

Reading articles/blogs of related subjects, I found people to be petty when it comes to those who live in Taiwan using "love Taiwan" as a weapon to attack those who don't (or choose not to). Their argument is basically, "If you love Taiwan, why would you not live here?/ If you love Taiwan, why would you criticize it?/ How dare you criticize Taiwan if you don't even live here?" so on and so forth.

What's their point anyway? No freedom of speech? No freedom of opinion? If there is anything I hate the most, is the self-righteous people. (Insert joke here: and those who don't agree with me) Sigh. So now I am not allowed to talk about where I came from because I don't live there? So now I am not really "Taiwanese" because I speak better English than Taiwanese? Then what accounts for my parents? My grandparents? Denying me is like denying where I came from, and I don't appreciate that.

I guess all I really want to say is that: we should keep an open mind and not resort to petty drama. And don't ever say that Taiwan belongs to China, because it doesn't.

Substance

2007-04-26T13:45:00.000-07:00

Any misconception about blog changing the mainstream, changing the media, changing the way we communicate can be largely ignored through the existence of this particular blog. These misconceptions of web2.0, or up-t0-the-minute communication is really dependable on two factors, that there is a cohesive audience, and there is a plethora of dedicated bloggers whose intent is to blog about things that matter.

For this particular blog, the above factors do not apply. Therefore, blogging is really insignificant if the contents do not matter to a larger audience.

Cogito, ergo sum.

I think I may be interested in learning Latin. Or Spanish. Cantonese, although I always say I should learn, is not really on the top of my priorities list.

Striving to have more substance. Pray.

New Features

2007-04-09T11:47:00.000-07:00

On my way into this place, I noticed that Blogger has two new features: Newsreel and Video bar... I wonder what would happen if my keywords happen to be Katie Couric and farting... random musing of the day.

Indeed, the phrase new features is a convenient segue into my life, because that's all I talk about, right? I got promoted, am now the 'ass-man' of the B&S 'bux, starting tomorrow. So last week I had goodbye party, and I tp'ed the TN backroom and front with used up debit roll paper, with words like 'adieu' and 'farewell' and 'welcome to s'bux', etc. I had a blast with dewar. That was that.

(Commercial break, just did a personality test, turned out to be an ISTP, which is a load of bull@%$# of course)

Oh and I got an iPod.

And I am currently hooked on ANTM and Pussycat Dolls... insert shameful face here.

Also being referred to as 'Katie Couric' from now on, thank you very much.

Very much infatuated with Stephen Colbert, will ride the C-train any night.

Alright, will not divulge anymore disturbing information, I'll see you all later.

Never never never

2007-03-20T10:59:00.000-07:00

Which is how I feel when thinking about happiness in my life. I will never never never attain happiness. I'll laugh at funny movies but laughter does not equal to happiness. There was something on Heroes that Linderman said to Nathan Petrelli about a life with happiness and (blank). I can't recall what (blank) was, but perhaps power, or something like that. About how those two cannot coexist in human life. To which I agree, though not whole-heartedly.

Someone's MSN nickname contains the sentence: The truth is that pain is nothing compared to what it feels like to give up. I gave up on the idea of going to Japan, and all of a sudden I'm settling down here, in Richmond? What is that all about?! I don't remember agreeing to "settling down", and I expected to "live my life" once I graduate. (By "live my life" I mean independence). Oh crap of all crapolas, that is not going to happen. I'm counted on for family finances (mortgage AND HPO loan, how lovely), and family disciplinarian to my delinquent brother. I hate these roles, and yet I cannot rise up and fight my family about it. I cannot use my money for anything without feeling guilty that, hey this money could be use to pay off our debts (which is a major reason why I don't go on vacations, because I can't get away. If I take a vacation I'd go away = spending money = feeling guilty). In the Chinese way of thinking, your family is important and you obey your parents, period.

I obey and I hate it. And I hate the fact that I hate it.

On to a less self-absorbing, i-hate-everything-and-everyone note, spring is here. Do you see the sakura blossoms everywhere? Soon summer will be here, and you know what that means! Frappuccinos!! Blast those frappuccinos, worst invention EVER. Which is why I can never be a true starbucksian and pledge my loyal allegiance to starbucks, because it's got frappuccinos.

Facebook

2007-03-12T22:36:00.000-07:00

Today I would like to discuss Facebook, the other other internet phenomenon that never ceased to mystify me. Just like MySpace. They all boast of great popularity, many many cultural and everyday-life references, and the premise of networking.

The evolution of online "friendship" site is never-ending. The first one I was involved with (as long as I can remember) was AsianAvenue. That's where I learned my basic HTML and "added friends" from godknowswhere. That's where I went into Japanese chatrooms and pretended like everyone else there that I am genuinely a Japanese culture afiscionado (sp?), basically no one there were Japanese, and everyone wanted to talk to this Takeshi Kaneshiro-lookalike, nicknamed Keshi. Then there were others, but they are blurry in my mind. I went into Fantawa for the most of my late teenage/early 20s era. Again, self gratification and "writing" and "making friends". I did make some friends, though, people I admire. There were a bunch of stuff I joined after that, things like Friendster and hi5 (if anyone can remember any, please remind me). Then there was MySpace. To me it sounds a lot like AsianAvenue, but I have never used it so I don't know. Then there was Facebook, which was limited to alumini only. I think that's the beginning of its downfall, the day it opened its door to the preening public.

It is almost like high school advanced, you see who you know, and you see who the ones you know, know. A big who's-who in your "network". Self-gratification to the utmost degree, when you "write on walls" and talk about gossip you talked about online the next day with your real-life friends, whose walls y'all enjoyed doodled on. With MySpace and AsianAvenue there were at least spaces you could express your individuality by posting stuff... with Facebook it is all consolidated into Album and Walls and Groups you can join. I personally joined three Starbucks related groups. Call me sad, but it is the god-awful truth.

A request to be friends. A urgent yearning to belong. That's what they are all playing at. And that's all what we are all being played into. I admit I was pleasantly surprised to find two former co-workers, but that ends there. Let's put it this way, Facebook is like a big toilet bowl, and when you flush, you can't help but being sucked into the vortex of friendship and networking.

(Speaking of self-gratification, look who is admiring her own witty remarks about Facebook on her own blog?)

Into somwhere else

2007-03-06T13:04:00.000-08:00

So I went on to Flickr the other day, after my pro account has expired for quite a while. Much to my dismay, a whole album has disappeared into the internet void. My Pride Parade 05 album, the one I went to with James, Jackie, Lesley and Connie. Tear.

The slipping away of identity and existence seems so much more languid yet certain on the internet. My wretch account has expired so they shut it down. The place where I wrote in Chinese, down, all my blogs into internet void. Again. This other place I went to, Fantawa, I wrote there for much of my high school/university cusp, I don't even go there any more, it's done. Someday, this place will have long reeds growing, and I shall not return.

This is just a mild observation. It originated when my friend Lan, saw me on MSN the day before yesterday, and messaged me saying "Where have you been? We were so worried about you." Of course I was confused. What the hell are you talking about, I wish I was dead, but we can't have everything in life now can we? She went on saying that my wretch account shut down, I don't return phone calls, I don't appear on MSN. It's almost too easy now isn't it? Well, no, I'm still alive and well. Kicking and screaming.

(Commercial break: there is this commercial on now for nutrigrain bars, an executive seeking out the secret ingredient "and". Hilarious. Good job guys)

Still alive. Did not kill myself. Did not set a bomb off. Did not elope and have Michael Jackson's baby. Did sign up on Facebook on a whim, but it's too much trouble to navigate for people I know and say "let's be friends". Did sign up to anobii to show off my intellect, but there are so much self-indulgence in that I felt shameful. Did watch the Oscars so maybe we can talk about that next time. All for wine and wine for all. See, all is well in the mindless drone of the world.

We are the all-singing all-dancing crap of the world.

Almost

2007-02-02T14:53:00.000-08:00

I am almost giving in to facebook, just almost. Just day before, Trish was mentioning how she wrote "monolicious" on Coco's facebook... Coco just had mono, we all felt for her. But monolicious makes better, I believe. Just as "angelicious" or "hot trish" (a la "Hot Donna" from That 70s Show) would light up my day a little.

I said I'd write about the poetry slam, and I would. Which is now. We went one Monday night. I was really looking forward to it, because I'd listen to RC Weslowski on the Jeff O'Neil show on the Fox on the way to work, and poetry slam sounded like a whole lotta fun, less like poetry in the traditional sense, and more like liberal expression of the emotions/issues and flow of the words.

I went to Terra Nove to pick Trish up, and I was late. So we rushed all the way to Broadway and Commercial, looking for Cafe du Soleil. We finally saw it off to the left side of the street, turned into a side street, and I did a pretty nice little parallel parking. We arrived at the door, only to find 1. it serves vegetarian foods, and 2. it was closed. We were like, "What the hell?" So we called Ruby alternatively and went into a nearby cafe to have tea and pizza. We got in the car again, went up and down Commercial, and finally I saw it, a large, blue-walled building with two women standing outside smoking. We went up, and it was really Cafe deux Soleil that we were supposed to be looking for. The Cafe was full, this guy said to us apologetically, but perhaps some seats will free up as soon as some people start to leave after their dinner. We stood outside in the cold, with Ruby's friends... (oh sh*t I forgot their names... one of them is Diane) They are really a lot of fun, very nice. Then Ruby and Yuko arrived, and we all made it in.

Cafe Deux Soleil is quite large, and was very crowded. We were, unfortunately, part of the standing crowd just because all the seats in the house were taken. The bar was off to the far left, and the stage lay diagonally away from there, all around, tables, and excited folks about. We got our beverages and stood in our spots. Soon the MC announced the start of the show.

(Many many days later when Ange tries to finish this post because it's been a draft for so long that she went to another poetry reading last night)

I'll just summarize: Tim's special sauce, Shane Koyczan (sp?). Shane Koyczan again last night, and Dan and Mark. Love, love, love.

Thus concludes my brush with the artsy-fartsy world.

My Brother

2007-01-16T23:09:00.000-08:00

My brother's name is Steven. He will be turning 17 in 2007. And he is, in my opinion, the only guy that can hurt me as badly as he has.

I don't know what people do when they have a teenager at home, especially one that is selfish, stupid, refuses to listen to anything you say, and talks back whenever he gets the chance to. It is so hard, struggling everyday to get him to be a remotely good son. By that I mean, write his Chinese homework, not be on the computer playing Warcraft and MSN (which is pretty much all he does), and at least treat us with basic decency. But no.

I have never been spoken to like he has spoken to me. It just enrages and saddens me all at the same time. I would point out, no, you are not supposed to be on the computer cuz Mom said so, he'd be like, it's just one night, why are you making such a big deal out of one night. I would tell him, you should concentrate on schoolwork, cuz it's your penultimate year in high school, and you gotta get ready for post-secondary. He'd say, who says I'm not doing schoolwork, I just finish them at school. I absolutely, gut-wrenchingly hate it when he says, "You are entitled to your opinion," which basically means he chooses to disregard everything I ever say to him. I just wanted to understand what he is thinking, and he told me it's too late.

He is a bad kid, I admit. I see no hope in him. He has stolen, cheated, and lied all these years, and he shows no conscience for it. He says we don't trust him, but of course we don't when there are money disappearing from my mom's purse every time. He has skipped school so many times that the counselor called, two different teachers sent notes saying how Steven's marks are suffering because he was not in class and did not hand in homework, and the vice-principal called for a meeting, otherwise she'd kick Steven out of school. For the first semester of his grade 11 year, he failed 3 course and got an Incomplete in one. HOW do you fail courses in high school?!

What's worse, is my Dad absolutely dotes on him. Being the youngest AND the only son, my Dad does everything he says. After my Dad had his surgery, my brother happened to mention that he'd like some undershirts. My Dad heard that, hopped on the motorcycle, and drove for half an hour in windy weather just to get what Steven wanted. My brother mentioned he wanted shoes, my Dad, despite being in poor health, went out and bought them for him. Sunday night, the second night that he stayed out without permission, my Dad called, and asked about Steven (as usual) and how he liked his shoes. My sister outright lied to him. My sister said he loved it. Lying to my sick father. That's what it has come down to. The only time my brother has EVER called my Dad in Taiwan, was for him to get this $300CAD cellphone for him in Taiwan. The only time, ever. That tells you what kind of a son he is.

My parents really don't ask for much. They ask for good schoolwork, that's all. Personally that wasn't so hard for me. I don't understand why is it so hard for him. I don't appreciate his way of getting around rules and punishments. We'd ask him to come home immediately after school. "Oh, I had to pick stuff up at Daiso," "Oh, I have to get the computer back from my friend's place," "Oh, it's Friday." Fuck that I say. Fuck all that. My Mom asked me to put a password on the computer so he couldn't use. You know what he did? You KNOW what he did? He went and got it reformatted, citing virus attack, and created his own user account which is password-protected, and set up an Admin account, with limited access. Basically meaning, he can still use the computer, and we can't stop him.

It's hopeless. Just ten minutes before I found this out, and he shutted off the computer so fast so I couldn't go in and change his password (the computer was still on his user account). He accused me of snooping around. Right, and a thief is accusing me of that. No basic decency, no nothing. What do you do with a kid like that? Personally, I'd kick him out. I hope he rots in hell for everything he has done to everyone in this family (I just know I'll regret for sounding over-dramatic later). But that's seriously the way I feel right now. I didn't know I could ever have the urge of gouging someone's eyes out because they wouldn't look at me when I talk, but I did. Hate and hurt all at the same time (hey they start with the same letter!).

Onto a brighter note, I thank thee (the two of you) for reading my blog. I can't believe anyone would be interested in mindless drones of rants, but you guys did it. And I went to a poetry slam last night with Trish, Ruby, and Yuko. It was awesome fun. Will talk about it another time. "Applaud the poet, not the scores!"

No

2007-01-03T21:28:00.000-08:00

I have no more intelligence, writing blogs have become painful. There is something fatalistic about it, that every time I start a post, it gets to the point that, everything I wrote was so meaningless and crappy that I must delete everything at once.

Belated teenage angst, I believe. Or early alzheimer's. Or pure mental retardation. You take your pick.

No hope, no goals, thus marks the upcoming 2007. Announcement: I will go back to Taiwan to live, coming September or October. Reason: family financial and personal well-being issues. I must return. To the land I have not seen since 1998/9. Mental images of extreme temperatures, thinnification, and ultimately conformity. I hate it. I like my t-shirts and sneakers and rock'n'roll. I do not like stupidity, bigotry, and social image of a 20+ female.

On another note, my dear friend KaKa came back around Christmas. She had been in Japan in the last year teaching English. Quite an adventure, I loved hearing her stories. She is a great gal, and I love her dearly. KaKa made the comment that she dresses differently in Japan and HK, more feminine. I took that as bad omen. Those who know me in real life, I am not in the least feminine. The only thing feminine about me is PMS.

Very depressed lately. No break in sight. I will continue to rant with a down-trodden soul, and seeking salvation in mind-numbing TV marathons.

Perceptions

2006-12-27T21:13:00.000-08:00

Was watching Evgeny Plushenko in his routine "Sex Bomb"... still as funny and as awesome as the day I saw it on TV... which would be about six years ago. Amazing. My memories greatly preserved by the power of technology. The funniest thing is you'd never expect a Mr. Burns-lookalike to be so funny. It's like when Dmitry from season two of SYTYCD said, "We Russians aren't allowed to have fun. No, we are. Just kidding." The Russians... when they are cute, they are really cute.

The above paragraph is so peppered with TV analogies. I can't help it. That's all I do. Whenever people ask me what do you do in your spare time (the underlying message is that if I have any) I watch television. The single most awesome invention EVER. There is no denying it. And the thing is, I am not turned off by reruns, so when people are all out there doing their Christmas thing or summer thing (the off of the TV seasons, therefore reruns), I still sit happily at home, watching televsion. I must've watched The Simpsons, Friends, SATC, CSI, and numerous other movies severals times already. Like Moonstruck. For some reason it was just played over and over again on TV this week. So I watched it. And watched it. And watched it once more (in pieces). Still love it, still love the part where Cher slapps a young, unbald, Nicolas Cage and says, "Snap out of it!" It's just so funny and endearing and real all at the same time.

I seek reality in surreality (as if it's a real word), and I will continue to do so. The reality is just too much, and annoying, and out of control. I don't like it. I like the fabricated reality. Much more digestible and you can fastforward if it gets too real.

Today my sister was saying how a former classmate of mine has gone off to travel to Europe with his girlfriend in the last year, and will be going to Japan in the year next. I was SO jealous. Incredible. My sister, in consolation said, "They all still live at home, so all their income are disposable." To which I replied, "You are right, all the money I earn now are not mine." But still. Everyone else is moving on with their life, going out there, stepping in unsure footsteps in becoming an adult in the world. I am still here. Lingering, and lingering. I have no life. I have no future. And don't tell me to cheer up because I enjoy wallowing in my own negativity and gloom. Happy 2007, another year in the dumps.

As to why this entry is entitled Perceptions, I really can't tell you. Perhaps it's our own perceptions which deceive us. In which case it would be called deceptions. Ta.

Holiday

2006-12-18T00:21:00.000-08:00

Although Christmas/Holiday has been in full swing at the old bucks since mid-November, it's still *kinda* exciting to have the day approach. A week today would be Christmas! The Birth of Baby Jesus.

The words Baby Jesus hold special meanings now to Trish, Ruby and I. We watched Talladega nights the other day. The opening dinner sequence gave some enlightening and bountiful catch phrases for us to use everyday. Ricky Bobby was saying grace at the table, and he prays to Baby Jesus. His red-hot stone-cold fox of a wife said, "Jesus was a grown-up too, you know, he had a beard. It's kinda creepy for you to pray to Baby Jesus." To which Ricky Bobby replied, "I like Baby Jesus the best, I like the Christmas Jesus. When you say grace, you can pray to teenage Jesus, grown-up Jesus or bearded Jesus." or something to that extent, except more hilarious.

Baby Jesus. (spoken with a southern twang)

That movie was funny. And Ruby makes it even funnier.

The holiday is upon us. And soon it'll be time to make New Year's resolutions. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Christmas shopping, ah yes. The root of all evil, the commercialism that invades all of our wallets, whether you celebrate Christmas or not. I bought stuff, yeah. I went to the mall, yeah. Or rather, I braved the mall. And believe or not, I will be one of those people hanging around the mall at 7am on Boxing Day. Why? Because I believe in early birds get the worm or however the saying goes. And plus, have you seen the mall on Boxing day at 10am? Total chaos. I'd rather not. So that's my holiday plan. I'll be working through all the eves and holidays this year, so there is really no celebration. But not complaining, because I'll be making money. And I'm getting Boxing day off. OFF. I still can't believe I got a day off. It's so sad how daily routines can skew your perception so much.

Come to think of it, I've beeng pretty much working non-stop since April this year... 8 months, 8 long months without a break. Even though I say to all people when they inquire whether I am tired or not, that I am ok, it's just like when I had school. But it's different, it's different from doing school and part-time job on the side. My life wasn't run by the jobs, I had a separate life from the work. I was learning, and enjoying being a student during the last year of my education. Ah the last year, no wonder people ponder about grad school in their last year.

I had a wonderful time, even thought I was taking 6 courses, all back-to-back from 8:30am to 6pm, but I still had a wonderful time. Ah, the rose-tinted spectacles of the past, how I adore thee. Holiday is also a good time for a year in review. Sigh. It's like I did nothing this year.

Good ol' 2006.

And this entry shall define randomeness.

It's all fake

2006-12-06T09:39:00.000-08:00

Fellow supervisors and I have all shared a drink, talked about personal lives, and vented far and beyond when it came to general crappiness of the work. However, I think when I leave the place, I will be completely removed from the place... the past camaraderie and relationship will cease to exist. Does that make our current situations fake?

I don't know how my brain worked on that one.

(Taking a step back and read what I wrote)

My parents are all in Taiwan right now. My mom is there because she needs to take care of my dad, who just had 1/5 of his liver taken out due to a tumor. Boy were we worried. But the surgery was a success, and everything seems to be on the right track (aside from the obvious financial situation). Last week has just been hectic, running around to apply a new passport for my mom in 24 hours, buy plane tickets, keeping in constant touch with my godmother in Taiwan (who has been there for my parents throughout this whole thing). You really gotta be thankful for things like these.

Can't write, gotta go. Work awaits.

My love and hate relationship with JP

2006-12-01T11:06:00.000-08:00

This got nothing to do with Justin Timberlake's song, I swear.

中毒したというものだと思う、その理由しかない。 That's what I think. I've been obsessively poisoned with this love for everything Japan. This comes as a realization after 3-hours of half-hearted cramming for the level 1 Japanese Language Proficiency Test. The pop cultures, the fashion, the literature, all of it. Love, love, love. If I can only explain why, but I can't.

Have you had so much emotion swell up in you upon hearing a song that you could almost cry? Put on a Kuraki Mai cd when tried to study this morning. It's a Best-of cd, but they are all songs I've been listening to when I was in high school. Just, the memories, the nostalgia, everything came up. Rose-coloured spectacles, perhaps, but I just can' t help it. Wait till I put on some Glay cds (they are only, like, my favorite band in the world), sigh.

I've been pretty much drifting around during the year after I graduated, doing nothing, pursuing nothing. Because my sole purpose, upon graduation, was to go to Japan. Looking back on those blogs I wrote during those years, it's all things like, I'm going to Japan, I'm going to Japan to see Glay before Teru's voice finally gives out to chain-smoking, etc, etc. But now... the harsh reality. Crashing down. It's like I was killed but lived, only barely.

Of course I know the solution. Find a better-paying job, and make so much money that I can pay off ALL of our debts, and then some to settle my parents in for retirement, and then leave it all behind to go to Japan to pursue... whatever it is that I want. How is that for likelihood? Ha.

Gotta go. Must return to half-hearted studying. I don't think I can pass this thing... oh well, there is always next year.

Don't get it (old, old entry)

2006-11-19T23:25:00.000-08:00

First thing first. So I switched to blogger beta (indeed the future is upon us, everything is beta now), but I can't seem to find anything particularly new and exciting about this beta version. It must be me.

Second thing, there is this really uncomfortable wound on my right index fingertip, causing me unable to type properly, or do anything properly for that matter (ie. putting on and taking off my contact lenses). Only then do you appreciate the importance of a wound-free index finger.

I read my August blogs and November blogs, obviously I am becoming more restless, cynical, mad, etc., etc.. It's not entirely because of work, family stuff also. And I finally unloaded onto my unsuspecting co-workers, and they've proven to be most sympathetic. However artificial it may be, I guess sympathy still has its values.

(Brief summary of home problem: my brother being the teenage rebel/delingquent/idiot that he is, almost got threw out the first night, when he came home late due to an extremely odd excuse of "my friend cut himself and his parents called me to go to the hospital to see him" The next night he went out without permission, called home and was told by my mom "don't come home again" so he decided to stay the night in our strata complex public bathroom; of course we were all frantic, but he came home, and I got him to apologize to my mom and he is basically now under house arrest)

Must say though, I really appreciate the RHS early warning system. The morning after my brother was assumed missing I called them, and asked them to call my cell whether my brother went to school at all, because he has not came home all night.

If I am not the only one

2006-11-17T13:21:00.000-08:00

I was watching The Office last night, basically the company went through a merger, so there were all these new people coming into the office, and also some reunions. This girl ran up to this guy, they exchanged greetings. The girl rambled on about TomKat and Brangelina. After she was done, the guy was like, "What's new with you?" and the girl just looked at him and said, "I just told you."

I tell ya, that's what I feel like. Living the life centered around gossip. At least I am not that delusional. (whew)

Just rereading Murakami Haruki's Underground. In it this person's interview really made me read over and over again. It's just one sentence really, translated as follows, "In the decades after the war the economy grew rapidly, and without the sense of urgency/alarm, we seem to value material goods as the only things that hold meaning." I don't know why this sentence gripped me so, but it did.

Went to a pastry meeting... our store is so screwed up, people ringing in things wrong left and right. Since when did we have cream cheese?! I guess I just need certain empowerment to crack the whip, so to speak. And get out as soon as I can.

Pointless

2006-11-15T13:53:00.000-08:00

I believe I have said this before, but I must say it again: it's pointless to complain to people, because they can't do anything about it.

Yesterday when I got to work I must've looked like shit. Because our SM pulled me aside and inquired as to how I am doing, is anything wrong, what's stressing me out, etc., etc.. I had to repeat several times, that nothing is wrong, the store is ok, I'm just tired. And she finally let me go.

Seriously, I am not very happy there right now. The past Saturday, Remembrance Day, I was invited to this wedding. When I got the invitation, it was already too late to write it in the Request day-off book. On the schedule I am to close that night. Ok, I asked SM if I could switch my close for her open. She said ok. Two days later I was talking to a fellow SS, and she was saying how she wanted to work on Remembrance Day for the double pay. I said, sure, if you want to just take my shift that'd be great, I don't even have to work at all. She said yes, so I left a note with the peach. A week later when I went to confirm with SM she said no, we can't let the lovely SS take the shift, because that would be overtime (something to do with holiday pay and labour and hours). I started to panic. Called around, nothing. No one would take my shift. No one would switch with me. I went and told my mom (I was supposed to go to this wedding with a co-worker of hers). They flipped out, tried to scramble around for someone to take my place. All these extra drama.

And yesterday the peach asked me to switch my today's mid for close. I said yes. I feel like shit, because not only I am not able to pick my mom up from work at 9pm in this god-awful weather, I'm not able to drive my sister to the airport tonight, either (though I didn't know about that after the switch). Stupidest thing is, I have to be at the store at 7:30am after my close at 11:30pm. This is such bullshit. I can't take this anymore.

And they asked me what's wrong. Everything is wrong. I should've just said no. Next time anyone asks, I'll say no. Seriously, I said yes to everyone if they wanted to switch or leave early, but I never had those requests. I am really pissed off at everyone of the management team right now, but I have to learn better than to show it. To spare me of the stupid conversation: Are you ok.

This is all so pointless. Ranting makes better, complaining to a real person won't. What's the point of sympathy?

Randomness

2006-11-14T12:21:00.000-08:00

1. Marie Antoinette, according to Antonia Fraser, did not utter those infamous words, "Let them eat cake".

2. I am tired of driving

3. I am tired of the driving that made me miss Monday night TV

4. I have never disliked a winning contestant, but I am willing to make an exception for Jeffrey, the winner of Project Runway

5. Sorry, disregard that, I still cannot stand Eva, the 3rd season winner of ANTM

6. Let me reiterate, I hate people

7. This week I will go see Stranger than Fiction, Borat and Babel, alone

8. Only You is the cutest chick movie ever; how can you resist the combination of Italian scenery and Robert Downey Jr.?

9. If not of TV people, my Freebie Five would be the below:

Kimura Takuya
Johnny Depp
Robert Downey Jr.
Sacha Baron Cohen (this is a new one, he is indeed very hot)
Al Pacino (when he was young, preferably Godfather I)

10. For Christmas, I want to buy an Apple iPod for myself

Lusting...

2006-11-11T12:37:00.000-08:00

Ellie wrote about tv guys that one may have fantasy about... which I found fascinating. You know that Friends episode where they listed 5 celebrities they'd like to get together with if the fantasy ever came true? Well, I've always kept a list after that episode. So has Lainey. Except she calls hers the "Freebie 5" and it's not limited to tv personalities.

But if I must choose from tv folks... I would probably go for:

1.

Nah, can't think of any. I watch more movies than I do tv. And the tv I do watch are mostly reality tv, which is bent on creating the most vile personality ever. How can I ever be turned on by that?! Let's see, ER... nope, CSI... probably Warrick, but he is married on the show now, ANTM... I don't go for girls, except Elyse from the first season, Project Runway... ha ha ha.

Forget it. I just can't. But I'll admit Matthew Fox of Lost is really hotness himself.

We are not so different, you and I

2006-11-06T22:49:00.000-08:00

*Warning: below contains my limited understanding of politics, feel free to correct me.

Is a direct quote from Austin Powers I & III (well, the III one was a quote from the I one). You'd get it if you watch the entire Austin Powers franchise as avidly as I did. Anyhow. The "you" I refer to is the Americans, and the "I" I refer to is the Taiwanese.

Perhaps I should specify, I am talking in terms of government and the perception of the general public. But I am sure it is the same everywhere else in the world. Dubya is not particularly popular because of many things. Neither is A-bian from the other side of the Pacific pond.

A-bian (or President Chen Shui-bian, formally) has just been charged with graft. A-bian is the leader of the Democratic Progressive Party, and they are supposed to be all about the independence from China thing. A-bian has been in office for 6 years already, and nothing has happened in that respect. Then this huge scandal broke out in the middle of 2006, and it started out as the First Lady herself taking huge amounts in department store gift certificates in bribery, in exchange to effecting who will be taking over the said department store. Gift certificates, you ask? Don't ask. Then A-bian's son-in-law was charged with bribery as well, and was in jail for a good while (a month, maybe? I can't recall). All these allegations that flew around, and the Taiwanese media being the ruthless sharks they are, just piled it on. Finally by September, a former leader of the DPP came out and organized this "Million people depose A-bian" thing. Basically they wanted to get him out of the office, so they organized donations to that cause, and sit-ins. Massive sit-ins where everyone was dressed in red. And now A-bian is charged.

You can read about the details @ BBC. They have more articles about this thing than CNN.

But the similarities not only lies within their un-popularity. Also their supporters. I just spent an hour watching this Taiwanese call-in show with all these "political commentators". In it you got people saying, "It's not A-bian's fault, it's the system." I just find it uncanny that many of Dubya's supporters, from the s0-called "Red States" are mostly, I hate to be politically incorrect, but hicks/rednecks. On the other hand, most of A-bian's supporters are, mostly, undereducated, dialect-speaking, hicks. (Disclaimer: Just my perceptions, does not mean I intend to insult anyone, nor does it mean I am better than these people.)

It's entirely stupidity at work here, being so greedy and can't get your hands out of the honey jar they called "Top Secret Diplomatic Funds". That's how A-bian got his money you know.

Anyhow, thus concludes my two-minute rant about the current situation of Taiwanese politics. I am not saying it's so bad that I wouldn't want to live there. Because face it, this may all be going on, but life goes on as well.

I feel old (not in a self-pity way)

2006-11-03T23:11:00.000-08:00

I've always felt mature for my age. Basically, I am just waiting for my actual age to catch up with me. So when I say I feel old, I am serious.

Today I went to a coffee meeting for Shruby. When I got there it was time for self-introductions. We were supposed to say our name, store, number of Christmases we've had at the bucks, and what are some holiday traditions. When it was my turn, I was counting with my fingers to see how many Christmases... (saying to myself: 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005...) I looked up and I blurted out, "This is my 5th Christmas, holy crap" with the DM sitting right next to me. Time flies, non? Christmas at the bucks is always such an event. I used to get excited, but now I'm just tired of it. Retail Christmas is not Christmas. And you know it.

A lot of things doesn't bother me, because I look at things in perspective. Sounds grand, might not even be true in most cases. But feels good to say it anyways.

Last week I worked with A and C. Boys, slacking off. I said, "Are we working or are we chatting?" really loudly. They came out, looking sheepish. A asked me if I found any customers annoying. In his case, this lady who asks for extra-hot, A would make it, she would go to the ladies' room, and come back for her drink. Obviously, after sitting there for a few minutes, the drink got cold, and that's precisely what she told A. She made A remake her drink, and give her a SRcoupon. Bitch. I couldn't think of any off the top of my head. If I see an annoying customer, I just rant about them in the backroom and let go. Like this lady who came in asked for grande long americano. Three shots of espresso goes in there, but the machine automatically makes four. So we usually just let the last one drip out on its own. I was explaining to the green bean how to make it, the lady overheard it and said, you can just give me that extra shot. I was like, okkkkk. Went to the back and said to whoever, "I hate greedy people." Seriously, extra espresso shot is 55 cents. If you don't pay it, you don't get it.

I do rant, haha.

I am keeping a list of things that annoys me. So far I only have:

1. My sister calling Port Coquitlamd "PoCo" as if it's something cool. Things gotta stop!! It was cool when J.Lo did it, but not so much, Bennifer, Brangelina, TomKat, KFed, so on and so forth. God I hate it.

2. I forgot

But I will remember soon...

Will watch Borat, Babel, and Stranger than Fiction. Who's with me? (wink wink ellie)

Mojito Monday

2006-10-31T21:10:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was Monday, and we had the second Mojito Monday. The first one was months ago, and already so much has changed, e.g. two of us is not with us anymore. But they still came out last night, and it was really cool. Good times.

I like hanging out with these girls. If I had a choice, every night would be Mojito Mondays... or Tequila Tuesdays, Wine Wednesdays, and so on.

Really cannot come up with anything clever or witty to say. Always plenty tired and unmotivated. And a guilty conscience makes it even more depressing. Hmmmmmm....

But Heroes is good, Studio 60 is good, and Hugh Laurie is good... though I don't think I'll be watching House anytime soon. Christmas is approaching, one of the more depressing times of the year. I think I will save up, no Christmas shopping, and go for a two-week long holiday in February.

Ahhhhh, sand, sun, away from people. It's next to impossible.

Well

2006-10-27T13:42:00.000-07:00

Eating too much makes me unable to think. I think I'll just do a tiny update.

Still cannot seem to finish Marie Antoinett: A Journey by Antonia Fraser... meanwhile finishing two mysteries (I guess you can call them that), The Rule of Four and The Historian. The Rule of Four deals with this book called Hypnerotomachia Poliphili, and the theory of an alternate authorship. The Historian deals with the subject of Drakulya, or Dracula, or Vlad the Impaler of Transylvania and Wallachia. In my opinion, more interesting than The Rule of Four, I don't know, because Dracula is more familiar to me than the Italian Renaissance in Florence.

But I will finish Marie Antoinette. And I will go watch Borat and Babel. I never thought my life as pathetic, but I am a little bit tired now. Little bit.

Is it possible?

2006-10-20T12:27:00.000-07:00

To pursue dreams, I mean. Or entertain the idea of pursuing another lifestyle. For myself, an example would be complete independence in Japan somewhere, live among books. My sister, seeing how most of her friends are off somewhere in Europe, working and studying, are often talking of leaving the country, so on and so forth.

It's a charming idea, really, to be a citizen of the world; to be able to live somewhere else. However, given our current predicament, I find it unlikely to happen.

In the end we are just insects living in our trappings. Unable to go out, unable to see a way out. Trappings, I say. Mere mention of the outside world gets us rustled up, but in the end it remains in the outside world, and we on the inside.

Thusly

2006-10-17T13:44:00.000-07:00

I have began to use this word whenever I can, even when it doesn't make any sense at all. At least the words "concur" and "indeed" are easier to drop into everyday conversations, but not so much "thusly". I have love affair with words.

I have love affair with television shows as well. I never realized there are so many good shows on Monday night. Just last night, I watched new Project Runway, Restaurant Makeover, Heroes, and Studio 60 on Sunset Strip. And I loved them all.

Project Runway, in its 3rd season, is nothing short of drama, though much less in creative talent. It's sad, after first season's Jay and Kara Saun, and second season's Daniel V and Chloe and Nick, they all produced such beautiful garments. This season is so drab... sigh. Nevertheless, I still watch it.

Last night's Restaurant Makeover is one that I haven't seen before, and when I saw the designer was Robin de Groot and the chef was David Adjey, I just had to watch it. If you ever watch Restaurant Makeover, you'd know which one Robin is; he is the one that has the extremely hilarious and infectious laugh. You have no idea, every time he laughs, we all laughed. It was really funny. However, it was designing for a restaurant that is attached to a bowling alley, so Robin went all out on 50's diner theme. Lots of color, lots of black and white tiling... not my favorite. My favorite, by the way, is Innocenti, with Meredith and Lynn I think. It was so beautiful. And by the way (again), if you watch Food Network, Lynn Crawford is going to be on Iron Chef America. Go Lynn! Don't let that Feenie take all the spotlight!

Heroes I have just watched my first episode yesterday. Fascinating, ordinary people wiht extraordinary powers. Powers that are scary and mysterious. Last night's was the 4th episode, I need to go and find previous ones so I can explain to my mom better. The thing with Heroes though, is that they don't have an exclusively-North American-dominated cast. There are Asians, an Indian guy and a Japanese guy, and the Japanese guys spoke real Japanese, none of that jumbo-mumbo cracked-up words that people speak as if an Asian language. Truly impressed.

Studio 60 is a clever show. They have to be if they want to present a SNL-esque show. Exciting parts are when they have real celebrities to come in and pose as "guests" of the show. Last night was the mom from Gilmore Girls and Sting. Sting!! Playing a lute and singing this really romantic song. Matthew Perry is okay, I guess. I really like Amanda Peet though, she is a toughie.

I also watch America's Next Top Model, in case you wonder about my other weeknight's repertoire. That's on Wednesdays, and reruns on Sundays. On Thursdays if I am not closing, I watch CSI (the original) and ER. ER is very exciting, as always. Love it love it love it. And sometimes I'm forced to watch Dancing with the Stars. Nothing like SYTYCD. Sigh.

In the end I watched 5 movies out of the entire VIFF. 2 I had to back out of, because my eyes couldn't take it anymore, my contact lenses were coming off and I had a headache. Out of the five, 2 I really loved. Will talk later.

A day in the life of

2006-09-27T00:33:00.000-07:00

Me, obviously.

Just two things, really, that I wanted to share with the people who read my blog. Or actually, make it 2.5, because something stupid but quite hilarious has happened also, which is worth mentioning.

First thing. I was woken up today by a shrill telephone ring. I picked it up, sounding as awake as I could (it was around 9am), and said hello. A man's voice asked for a Dawei Jiang. I was extremely confused and asked him there is no such person. He said is this the (phone-number-in-question), I said yes. He then said is this unit 312 of (this-certain-address), I said no, this is unit 305. He paused and said, "Can you take a message to unit 312 and get them to contact me? I am working on a file and need to talk to them." I was getting infuriated, but being the nice person I am, I said, "Oh my god... hold on," and went to get pen and paper. I jotted down his number, his name, his company name, and Dawei's name. I hung up the phone, feeling extremely stupid/mad/sleepy, and jotted down another note explaining the first note, got my brother to drop it off at 312 on his way out, and went back to bed. I must say, this David of the auditing department, is quite an idiot. It's one thing to take down message for someone living in the same house but different room, but it's quite another to take a message for a total stranger living many many doors down. My sister said I was stupid and I should have just said no. But the situation was so bizarre I didn't know what to do. Anyhow, I looked up the company on the yellowpages, but I couldn't find the exact name to match, so I picked one that sounded the closest, and wrote an email requesting information on David of the auditing department. We'll see what happens.

Second thing. Someone stole our tip jar this evening at the good ol' Terra Nova Starbucks. I was working, and next thing I know when I tried to drop some change into the jar, was that the entire thing was missing. Not just the money inside, but the entire thing went missing. We had a pretty good idea who it was. These two teenagers kept on coming in asking for the phone, asking for water. I felt so stupid to let the tip jar just vanish under my nose, and so ridiculously hilarious because this is all so surreal. I used to hear about people stealing tip jars when I was working at the mall Starbucks, but it has never actually happened. And now it has. Must say, 10% amusement, 90% annoyance. (By the way, this is the 0.5)

Third thing. I came home, exhausted. Checked my email, and I actually got a reply from the Petro-Canada people. The email thanked me for my input, and said that they will make sure that the branch manager will be notified of this feedback. I feel good. Talk about doing something nice.

This is terrible, I am such a nice person!

VIFF II

2006-09-25T19:45:00.000-07:00

Which would make the previous post VIFF I. But I'm not going to change that, because I am not an anal person. I am a slob.

Anyhow, previously I was talking about the films I would miss because they are playing at TIFF and not VIFF. So there is Babel, and All the King's Men (which I heard not-so-good reviews about), and Stranger than Fiction, starring Emma Thompson and Will Ferrell. That's about it. I would really enjoy watching Will Ferrell in a serious role, I think, much akin to Steve Carrell in Little Miss Sunshine, which I am determined to go watch with you, Ellie. My goodness, when did you leave that post?! I haven't been online for ages. Well, only a week. Were you talking about Wednesday the 20th or the 27th? 20th has already past, and 27th I can't cuz I'm closing. Sigh. We'll find a day, we will.

Thursday night I went to see Troilus and Cressida with Anitar. Bard on the Beach. Brrrrr, cold. But rather enjoyable. Apparently, a different on the play than Shakespeare intended. Interesting. And oh, our conversations, I spoke much more than I do in a week. I do enjoy a good conversation. Anyway, Troilus and Cressida is a love story between the two lovers, unfortunately situated in the smack middle of the Trojan war. The last take on the cruelty of war is a bit... superficial in my taste. And if they want to make a statement on the current affairs with this play, then I must say I was disappointed. However, it's the political undertone that I feel distasteful, the play itself was quite interesting. Trage-comedy apparently.

Also, friends from afar visited our household for the last week. Absolutely spiffing, as always. Miss them already (they left on Saturday). Wait... today is Monday. Sigh, whatever the expression is for missing somebody.

In regards to Loulou's comment about my writing. Girl you got it all wrong. My posts here are random meaningless... rant. In terms of online writing, I don't read that much English posts except for Ellie's, and Ellie's are good. I read mostly Chinese ones, and there are many many talented people. I am but a blunt amateur in the world of writing. In fact, I wouldn't really consider my random posts to be "writing" at all.

In response to miss c's comment of my imaginary hermit lifestyle. I guess you are right, the lifestyle depends upon the frame of mind also. I may as well live in a cottage now, the way I live my life. Don't go out except for necessities. Rarely go out for fun. The club/bar scene? Forget it, no such thing. There is just too much necessities I must worry about, which sucks. Thus the PMS-y rant about living away in a mountain somewhere and never see people.

What a random post. Started watching this Korean drama called My Girl. May God have mercy on my soul.

VIFF

2006-09-12T22:53:00.000-07:00

This year I plan to go to 9 movies from the Vancouver International Film Festival. Was going to another one of those Alternative Animes, but it's on Sunday and Monday, cannot miss the crap-ass work on those days, so I'm obliged to miss that. Last year I only went to 3 movies: Alternative Anime, this double feature about taxidermy and sex dolls, and that stupid April Snow. God gives me strength if the movies I picked out this year turn out to be terrible mistakes again. I still feel sorry for Connie and me for watching that crap-ass movie in its entirety. If we had any guts we would've walked out of there right away, but we didn't.

Sigh, I miss Connie.

So I'm going to be super nerdy and become this silly art-house film nerd for about four days. Because that's what VIFF is, artsy-fartsy films. Nothing like its other Canadian counterpart, the Toronto International Film Festival, which is going on right now. It's got Brad Pitt, JLo, Robin Williams, Will Ferrell, all kinds of stars. I really don't mind the stars really, it's the films that I'm going to miss. I really would like to see Babel, All the King's Men, and something else I can't remember.

To be continued...

Hello? This is PMS speaking

2006-09-10T19:09:00.000-07:00

Of course, despite being very masculine in terms of emotions and such (ie. not having any), I can still sense things like PMS. So the following rant is purely PMS speaking, not me. The sensible, calm, undisturbed, me.

Oh who am I kidding?

First off I'd just like to give a shoutout to the most anal person I've ever met. Your breath stinks and you are so ANAL. Forgive me for not elaborating, really not in the mood to.

I hate people. I hate people I hate. If living like a hermit is an option in my current situation, I'd be happy to adopt a hermit lifestyle. By hermit I mean, living off in a cottage by myself and survive on mineral water I haul up the mountain every first day of the month, vegetables that I grow (hopefully they'll grow), and instant noodles of various flavours, which I also haul up the mountain every second day of the month. Just be away. Leave me alone.

Someone once told me, that they think I'd be capable of not speaking all day. To which I agreed. Speaking is overrated. Most of the time I really don't say anything.

Nothing really matters. Anyone can see. Nothing really matters, to me.

Dream a little dream

2006-09-07T13:33:00.000-07:00

This always happens to me. When I least expect it, I get a long-winded, weird dream out of nowhere. For example, I've once dreamt that my left arm was cut off but still attached to my body somehow, I pulled it away for a little bit, and stared in fascination of the skin, muscle, bone in my arm. I walked around in a school-like building looking for the nurse's room. I found it, but it was protected by a security system. I found some bandages and taped my arm to my body. The end.

Stuff like that. One time I was trapped in a hotel room and there were fire outside. I was with another person and we couldn't get out. Finally this rescue chopper showed up outside our window and I thought we were going to be rescued. Then the scene suddenly changed to this huge train station with injured people lying everywhere, but I wasn't in that scene. Probably died.

So last night, I dreamed that I was in a downtown high school. I was there for a either a Chinese recital thing or KFed's concert. I went to a little store attached to the school to buy food. It was set up like Tim Horton's but it was selling Starbucks food. I talked to the guy at the register for a bit, and confirmed that there was a Subway nearby. So I went outside to look for the Subway. I found it, went in, and I thought it was empty until a Korean girl came out from under the counter. I wanted a meatball sandwich. She took out this huge poster paper with these circles drawn on them. She put the ingredients in each of the circle, smeared some sauce on them, and took them out to the back. I waited for a while, wanting to eat my sandwich, so I went to the back. Only to find she was sleeping by the wall in the alleyway, and my sandwich/poster was gone.

Then it suddenly changes. I was out with a guy and he said let's go get ice cream. I said sure. We got to this jewllery store-like ice cream shop, and started choosing. He said he wanted something vegetarian, and I wanted something chocolate. I saw one flavour called "black cherry chocolate konnyaku" and said to this haughty girl with the name tag "151912" that I wanted that flavour. She looked at me and asked if I was sure. I said of course. She said no. I said what do you mean? And she just waved her hand at me and totally dissed me. I got really mad and raised my voice. I said I cannot stand her attitude, and if I could talk to her manager, please. She just rolled her eyes at me and left. This other girl came out of nowhere, I explained to her what happened, and she took me to this bystanding girl who is super short, and the super short girl apologized to me, saying that 151912 has always been like this. I was confused as to why wasn't 151912 apologizing to me. But I left anyway, with the guy still by my side. As we were leaving, I took out some sandwiches from my backpack and threw them in the garbage, and I turned around and said to the guy, "I'm pregnant, can you tell?"

Then I woke up.

Damn.

2006-09-04T22:49:00.000-07:00

Today as I was walking out of the office with a co-worker, he pointed at two kitchen assistants ahead and said, "Those two are really nice people. Kind, innocent-like." I asked, "Are there not so innocent ones?" He said, "Well, yeah, there are those who play with workplace politics and such, but not those two." I was like, "Huh, how about that."

The nice, kind people at workplace. As long as that is not associated with, say, slow, or unskilled, it's all fine by me.

Ever since I started working for the office job, I've learned that it's very different not only working at an office, but an Asian-oriented workplace. Trust me, the bucks is very sheltered. Asian people don't necessarily put emphasis on being nice to their employees. When we have "coaching conversations", they have outbursts of yelling. Personally I don't think that's going to get any results, by yelling. My mother informed me otherwise.

Digression of the day.

I'm too tired to write anything. Wait, there is one more thing. I just wrote an email to customer service of PetroCanada. I wanted to recommend one of their employee at the Granville & No. 3 location. He is so nice and works so hard. I had to do it.

Which reminds of another thing. Today when I was inputting sales data individual stores faxed over to the office, I really wanted to extend my appreciation of clear writing to the good people at the Osaka location. They made my job so much easier. Wouldn't the world be a better place if we focused on the positive rather than the negative?

This entry is not witty at all. Though I had no wit to begin with, this still makes me very depressed, and tired. Must bid you adieu before I take a cord and strangle myself.

2006-09-02T14:19:00.000-07:00

2006-09-01T21:36:00.000-07:00

What's an embodiment of Asian beauty? Is it the Western idea of tiny eyes with "single eyelids", full-moon face, and cherry-like mouth? Or could it be the Eastern idea of large eyes, small oval face, and pale complexion? Is it Lucy Liu or Kelly Hu? Or would it be one of those Korean actresses with thick but light eyebrows, medium-sized almond-shaped eyes, straight noses and oval faces with dainty mouths?

"Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder."

There, I answered my own question.

Or even more cliche, "beauty is from the within."

Ugh. Just the act of typing that gives me the creeps. We all know it's not absolutely true. We all know the beautiful faces with festering filth of a mind underneath. Pure evil I say. Don't mess with one of those.

I believe in the superficial, the outside. That's what I'm talking about when it comes to beauty. For me, Catherine Zeta-Jones is beautiful, Jessica Simpson is not. Britney is not, neither is Ziyi Zhang. See my point?

And thus concludes the very short and sweet connundrum of Asain beauty.

2006-08-29T22:12:00.000-07:00

The act of writing calms me. That is the reason why I write. I don't write to entertain, or I want to preach to a bigger audience, I write so I stay sane. Since talking to real people is unlikely, writing to myself is a better way of therapy. No excess emotional garbage to dump on some innocent ones, and the words are chosen much more deliberately than I can ever be when I speak.

Me, me, me, I, I, I.

If not here then where?

The biggest justification for the self-obsession, I beg you to forgive.

---------

Which matters more, the subject matter or the writing style?

Just thought of this today, regarding writing and reading. Mostly from a reader's point of view, it's a toss-up for me. I like to read things that may be mundane, but if it's written in a interesting style, then I'd still be captivated. On the other hand, if the subject matter at hand is already interesting, then no further embellishment is needed for me to stay interested. From a writer's point of view, however, it's probably easier to write about something that is interesting in the first place, than to spend time on polishing something dull into a fun-to-read work.

Speaking of interesting (note the transition here), something I saw on 24 today yaleshmale. What people would do to grab your attention, sigh.

Nothing against Dubya, you know, but he does leave himself pretty vulnerable to attacks, not unlike Mr. Chen of Taiwan. Then again, the alleged fact that his family is taking bribes, it doesn't necessary have anything to do with his leadership and presidency, then why the big fuss over impeaching him? Rashomon I say, it's all a big rashomon, and not at all like Clinton's bjay.

For the definition of rashomon please click here.

2006-08-28T20:59:00.000-07:00

I have got to stop starting my blog entries with the phrase "The other day." There's two in a row, and I feel so uncreative.

(Wait, is that even a word?! Shame.)

Today I will touch on the subject of "my favorite things." It's a tool that we all use to get to know somebody. Ever since my first day at Japanese class, we learned how to say, "I like (blank)," or "My favorite (blank) is (blank)." It is a crucial component of one's definition of "self", what one likes. Or what one hates, depending on the mood. Even I have used this tool to come up with conversation topics with new partners, such as "What's your favorite movie?", "What kind of music do you listen to?", as if these answers can actually bring us to a better understanding of each other. But I digress.

My favorite flower is hibiscus. I like it so much that that will be my choice tattoo. If I ever get a tattoo, it'll be a hibiscus flower. I like it for sentimental reasons. When I was in Japan, it was summer, everywhere you see there are these stylized hibiscus flower designs, on sticker pictures, what have you. I've grown to associate it with Japan=summer=happiness.

My favorite band is Glay, of all time. It's the first band I've ever paid attention to, followed them with a zeal, and though I never learned all their lyrics, I do have their concert videos and dvds. The kind of rock/pop will forever be my genre. I don't know why I fell in love with them in the first place, perhaps for their androgynous make-up they had at the time and their over-the-top makeup and costumes. The music is good too.

My favorite book is Little Prince. It still is. Again, I read it while I was in Japan, and it touched me immensely. I was obsessed with that book. So simple, so fragile. I can't read it now, I'm much too calloused for it.

My favorite Japanese drama is Long Vacation. Sigh, KimuTaku when he was youthful and scrawny, and he played the piano. What's not to love?

This is precisely why I can never carry on a conversation regarding these topics with people at work. Try telling the peach that my favorite Japanese drama is Long Vacation, there is so many riddles with that sentence I don't think the peach will get it. You must be of a certain culture and a certain age to understand what I'm talking about. And that is why I lie when it comes to these things. Well, maybe not about the flower, that part is easy enough. But the parts like favorite music, (rock), I never elaborated. A little secret, I only started listening to Nirvana after Glay revealed in an interview that their choice album of the year (2000 I think?) was a compilation of Nirvana's greatest hits. I'm so easily influenced.

Yet another installment of total pointless blog. I just feel like I gotta write something, you know, albeit all garbage.

2006-08-26T19:26:00.000-07:00

The other day I was talking to an angel, and we were talking about how outside of work, neither one of us are the outgoing type. She said she is extremely shy, I thought that was not possible, because she would chat to customers and generally make everyone around her very comfortable. She thought I was outgoing, because I would tell stories about my get-togethers with people from Aberdeen. I usually say yes if people from work invited me to something, because those people know how to have a good time, it's easier to go along with them. Whereas if it's with my own friends (count them, 3, three people), I can turn them down with stupid reasons like, "I'm watching TV."

We also talked about friends, or in my case, a lack of friends. She asked me what do I do if I felt frustrated or anything, just basically need to let out some steam. My answer was, just bottle it up, bottle it all up. How unhealthy, non? But that's what I'm used to. The logic behind it is that, it's so selfish to be talking about one's feelings, and dumping the emotional garbage on another person. I find it utterly unnecessary, and accomplishes nothing. That is why I don't talk about my feelings AT ALL with any other person.

What do I do then, if I reach my limit? First of all, I have no limit, I have a very high tolerance for emotional garbage. Secondly, I write blogs, like I do now. Which is probably why I really don't mind if no one comes to see my blog, because I know it's garbage anyway. Why would anyone want to read garbage is beyond me. Pity.

2006-08-24T12:37:00.000-07:00

The other day I had a review with my manager. Under "maintain a calm exterior during periods of high volume" she gave me a 2 (middle mark). Her reason was, while I do remain extremely calm during busy periods, but sometimes I am TOO calm, and not showing that sense of urgency.

For example, we'd be out of coffee for brewing. She would inform me of that, and my reaction would be, "Oh, okay. In that case we can either grind up some whole beans, or we can start calling other stores." Upon seeing that reaction (or a lack thereof), my manager would often wonder, "Does she understand the urgency of these things?" -- is what she said to me.

Well of COURSE I understand the urgency, I just don't see why I got to panic at every little thing. And often times when these things happen, someone would ALREADY be panicking, I tend to be even calmer when someone panics. These things always blow through, I don't sweat things like that ... besides it's not like I don't get things done or solved, they do get done/solved. So I really didn't understand what exactly am I supposed to be like when busy periods hits or we have "situations". It's hard to say.

Going down the list, when it came to "providing legendary service to customers," I put down a 2 for myself. I said my service was adequate but it wasn't legendary. My manager asked what could I have done to make it legendary. I thought about it and I said, perhaps I could talk to them even more than I already do... (sigh) In case you don't know, I really don't like to talk, especially to strangers. I am really a very dull person, and I run out of topics easily; plus I don't find silences unbearable. My manager thought that's true, I could talk to the customers more, get to know them. Act more excited, more enthusiastic. I said that's not in my nature, I don't act excited. She then asked me, when was the last time you were excited, you were passionate about something? I cannot recall. I just don't. So we let that pass, very awkward. My manager said that she thought she was mellow, but she is nothing, compared to me.

Mellow, sure, okay. Whatever. I just think of myself as emotionless, and very reactionary. But if you want to call that mellow, fine by me.

Natalie Portman appeared in SNL doing a skit called Jamba Juice. I think this is what my manager meant by "enthusiastic". Since I don't know how to put video clips in my blog, not even knowing if it's allowed, I courteously ask you to click on the link, and scroll down to the one called "SNL_Jamba_Juice.wmv " It's really funny.

2006-08-19T18:48:00.000-07:00

I am afraid that I am soon to become one with the rock stars, getting addicted to pain killers.

Some people may know, and certainly my family, I often get excruciating pain in my eyes. It starts as a numbing pain, like someone applying pressure from the inside of my head outwards squeezing my eyeballs, then it escalates into migraines, and all hell breaks lose from there. If I am lucky, I will be able to eat a little, and puke it all up. Not pleasant at all.

During those periods, I can't focus on anything but the pain. I can't use my eyes at all, which means no reading, computer, and TV. And my life is basically over at that point. If I can't do any of the above, there is nothing I can do except sleep and hope to get better when the morning comes.

It used to occur once in a while, and I'll be good as new the next day. But lately I am getting it more and more often. Almost everyday, my eyes would bother me a little; and if I don't do anything about it (rest, put hot towel over my eyes), it'll get worse. Finally I couldn't take it anymore, I got myself some Advil liquid-gels. I took one yesterday, took one just now, and I think I'll grow dependent on it. And that's not good. I am very inclined to become addicted to drugs I have discovered, and kicking the habit will be hard. However if it means to keep me sane and normal most of the time, then it's worth it.

I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore. It's a dreary day, the day before my parents' birthday. My sister and I planned to go out and treat them a nice meal, but lack of planning led to no dinner at all, and tomorrow (their actual birthday), my sister and I will be going to the Phantom... and not be with them. Extreme guilt and eye pains, not a good day at all.

2006-08-18T22:40:00.000-07:00

I have never stressed the fact that I'm weird. I AM weird, but I am not special. There is a difference. I think everyone have their little quirks, and that may make them weird in certain ways. To say that someone is special, is denoting a certain significance to that person, and I am anything but significant, to myself or to others. I am so dispensible, you see, that to say I am special is almost blasphemous to other "special" ones.

But then again, who made the connection between being weird and being special? Me. That is very conceited of me, I'll admit.

My weirdness comes through my taste in the opposite sex. I like them weird, like me, what can I say? A guy can be all tall and dark and handsome, but if we don't have anything in common, it's not gonna happen. It's not like I am picky, because is it really asking too much for a guy to share the same interests as I do? I don't think so. I am sure there are many average-looking guys who like Nirvana, Queen, Haruki Murakami, Takashi Kishimoto, Takeshi Obata (last two are mangakas, shonen comic mangakas... I am really not asking for much here). And television, I love television, my guy has to like tv too. But yeah, I have yet to find that one person who likes tv... sigh.

What's going on in this world?????? Don't we love tv anymore? Especially cheesy programs like America's Next Top Model and American Idol????? Sigh.

Looks-wise I'm normal. I like them hot. I like them with sexy lips and broad shoulders. And a nice butt too. But you see those guys you would expect them to have a girlfriend who has long hair and sexy lips and c-cups, and sadly I am none of the above. Whew. I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I had c-cups. Haha.

2006-08-17T15:26:00.000-07:00

My summer read: Lord of the Ring. Right now into the middle of The Two Towers. I'd say it's the darker of the three, but you get to read about Eomer, the hot guy on a horse, so it is alright. It's a great book. It is essentially one book, not so much a trilogy as many had made it out to be. I find it extremely gripping, especially the description of the Elves, it's very nice.

Every time I read books, there are certain phrases that catch my eye. For 1984 it was "something, amusement" ... I don't remember what the previous word is, but I'll look it up. This time it's "wise fool", when Gandalf was talking about Saruman. Wise fool. So many people are just fools.

Which leads to one of my ultimate pet peeves: stupid people who try to be bad. For example, my brother. You want to skip class? Sure, just as long as no one finds out. Like it's hard to do? Come on, I skipped tons of times, and I have yet to suffer the consequences. Every single time, the school calls and says, "Steven was not in class today, blah blah blah." He'd come home and we'd question him, and his answer is invariably, "I was late, the teacher did not take my attendance, blah blah blah." Give me a break, fine if you want to be bad, as long as you put some thought into it. It's like the big scandal with President Chen's in-laws' accepting briberies, if you want money, fine, be smart about it. Don't be stupid about it and let people find out, just because you know that no prosecutor will be able prosecute you, at least not in Taiwan's current circumstances. (The way I see it, there is no such thing as true justice in Taiwan, prosecutors will probably cite insufficient evidence and let him off easy, even if all people of Taiwan are absolutely certain that he has taken the money).

It is so sad, that it has come to this. Somehow it corresponds with the storyline of Lord of the Ring. But not really, because Mordor is not some faroff land, it's within all of us.

I remember expressing similar sentiments regarding V for Vendetta. Something along the lines of, sure it seems scary, the society that is portrayed in the movie, but if you think about it, we are already living in it. Isn't that funny?

*Two minutes later: it was "tolerant amusement", when Julia was eyeing a clock, with numbers 1 to 12 on it. Apparently in 1984, time is told by the 24-hour system, ie. 1900 hour.

2006-08-16T16:41:00.000-07:00

I was just checking out this thing I heard on the radio, their WTF Blog. WTF, for those uninformed, stands for What The F&ck. Basically just people ranting, some of it good, some of it plain boring. However, that's the way life goes, many wtf things may occur in a day, but not all of it interesting.

For me, most of the times when the words wtf comes out of my mouth, is when I'm driving. Like people driving 30km/h on a 50km/h street, obviously looking for directions. You know what? Drive the normal speed limit, and when you found you have passed it, turn around! Or another thing would be people standing super close to you when you are in line. Literally, breathing down your neck close. Get away from me, you are in my personal space. I think cody wrote a blog to that extent. I don't think it's just the Asians, because I have had a few incidents when creepy white guys standing behind me as well. And a creepy Asian woman, that was a big wtf, because she literally pushed me aside when I was trying to pay for my coffee. Bitch.

Lesson of the day is, respect other people's personal space, or else they bitch about you on their blogs.

2006-08-15T16:31:00.000-07:00

Here is how you know you have spent too much time online reading people's blogs and not enough time talking to your real life friends: you begin to see people from online in real life.

Which happened to me today, at the local ICBC office. I was waiting in line with my Dad to renew his licence, when I saw the little kid in front of me. He looked EXACTLY like justcrystal's son Marc, I kid you not. Little, chubby, and a ball of energy, the kid turned around and gave me a smile, I almost melted. I often don't care much for kids, because they often don't care much for me, but the little boy, sigh, was so adorable. Later I saw the mom had a baby girl in her arms. Did not look like little Nina, but cute in her own way all the same.

See what I mean? I am so obsessed with people online that I'm actually refering to them as if they were real life acquaintances. Sigh.

Aren't I pathetic?

Wait, don't answer that. I don't think I can bear the truth. I'd like to think myself as having a life, as delusional as it may be.

On a separate note, I finally got my hair cut today. It was brutal. My stylist stressed how DRY my hair was, and recommended strongly to get some much-needed treatment for my hair, all in Japanese. One big shocker of the day. Second shocker of the day, my Japanese conversation has grown so poorly. It wasn't good to begin with, but still! Third shocker of the day, my phone interviewer from a week ago, finally calls, and said that they have decided to move two other candidates to the next interview, meaning that I have failed at getting my foot in the door for greater things in the bucks. Since I was busy doing my crossword puzzle when the call came in, all I said was, "Thank you for calling, have a nice day." It wasn't until later that the message was getting through my thick skull, and I finally felt, oh, I didn't get the job, what a loser I am.

I'm slow I tell ya. Feelings, emotions, ideas, etc, etc, all come into my brain via the network that's as slow as a brontosaurus's.

2006-08-14T22:30:00.000-07:00

Recent guilty obsession (well, not so much an obsession), Gene Simmons' Family Jewels. Starring Gene Simmons, the bassist from KISS, his girlfriend of 23 years, Shannon Tweed, and their two kids, Nick (17) and Sophie (14). It's like The Osbournes, without the wackiness and the overdose. You can actually understand Gene Simmons when he talks, and the people are much more pleasing to the eye.

Case in point, Nick Simmons, the 17-year-old son. I don't have a picture of him, but he is absolutely darling in my eyes. And here is where the guilt comes in, I'm 23, he is 17. I feel like such a perv, thinking that a 17-year-old is hot. For goodness sakes, he's only a year older than my brother. My sister called me a cougar, I prefer the term pervert. Anyhow, google him or something, because he is REALLY good looking.

Since I never watched The Osbournes, I really can't compare the two. However, Family Jewels is very script-y. You can tell. The family members enter the scene going, "So, I'm going to the movies," or something to that extent. However, it's the little side notes that are interesting. Like when Gene and Shannon were sitting on the couch, facing the camera, and Shannon told him to hold his hands out as if he was driving, and do a shoulder check. His whole body turns, thereby causing the car to swerve whenever he drive, thus illustrating her point that, Gene Simmons is a terrible driver. So cute, so funny.

I was kind of reluctant at the beginning, because I've watched Gene Simmons' Rock School. His failure to inspire those British private school kids was disappointing. Nothing like Jack Black's School of Rock. Sure it was make believe, but it was good. You just gotta cast better, that's all.

Speaking of which, Jack Black is going to be hosting MTV Awards, looking forward to that. I won't watch it live or anything, of course. I still have a life, you know (uneasy heckle). But I'll probably catch a rerun or something. Jack Black is hilarious, hands down. Combining my two love, comedy and rock music, he can definitely pull it off.

Everyone is always so surprised when I said I like rock music. I do. I can't take R&B or hip hop anymore, just, too much. My adolescence is catching up, yay.

2006-08-13T22:39:00.000-07:00

The other day, while I was driving, I saw the license plate of a van in front of me: GMD. I thought it looked so familiar, but I just couldn't place it. The abbreviation of TMD came to mind, but that was just not it. Finally I got it, after crossing a bridge. GMD stands for Gay Midget Dwarf, an affectionate nickname Lainey has for Mr. Tom Cruise, oh Mighty Spokesperson of the Great Scientology.

It's brilliant I tell you. Absolutely spiffing.

I thought it's hilarious, how looking at her articles day after day can imprint these three letters so vividly in my mind. That GMD will have no other meaning except for Gay Midget Dwarf for me from now on.

Poor guy in the van. Probably doesn't know what he's gotten himself into.

A little tribute to my love for gossip. After someone once told me, "I don't read those things, they trash your mind," I no longer share my love for Lainey's gossips with others. It's my guilty pleasure. Much like Miranda Hobbes. Good thing none of my friends merit the claws of trashy magazines, 'cause I wouldn't want to see a real-life Samantha doing it on my computer screen.

Ugh.

While on the subject of guilty pleasures, So You Think You Can Dance is one for this summer. Dance is not my thing, but I thoroughly enjoy the second season. Bloody marvelous. Hope Heidi wins.

2006-08-13T18:50:00.000-07:00

Everyday drudgery of office life.

Must say, not a fan, not a fan at all. Then again, if I was to complain of the boredom, should I also take the role of devil's advocate, and point out that perhaps applying more of myself will result in a less-boring work environment?

That's a thinker.

But I'd rather not. It's easier to sit and complain, than to really turn around the way I think and apply more to this job.

How should I describe this job? When asked, I usually say, it's a data entry thing. Which it is, I enter data into the computer, and I don't do anything with it. I don't analyze it, put it together in a nice chart, and explain to people. Nope, not me, just putting the info in, that's all. Putting in the order, putting in the invoice. Day in, day out. Putting in the sales numbers. Other than getting a taste of office life, I don't know what I am learning from this job.

On a more interesting note... I just read my manager's blog, and she apparently wants to transfer! But her boss wouldn't let her, citing stability within district must be maintained. Meanshile, the memo comes out, and three managers of our district are transfering. Wellllll... just great. More things to enrage my manager even more. She can be quite temperamental, that one. The bucks isn't just that pretty-nicey workplace as I thought. Lovely.

May I remind you of my obsession for gossip?

2006-08-12T18:23:00.000-07:00

So, another day.

To say "I just don't feel inspired" is just another bullshit excuse. One should abstain from making excuses in the proceedings of everyday life, it's not only uncool, but hugely irresponsible.

Then again, why bother being responsible at all?

Hey...

With the help of mindless chatters, I have made the following discovery: I, like many others, overuse words such as "like", "you know", "omigod", and "i dunno", in everyday conversations. They are like (see, "like") mindless fillers to gaps in conversations. For example, observe the following fictional conversation:

"It's so, like, hot today."

'I know, like, omigod, I am sweating like a dog.'

"I know, like, yeah. Makes you want to dive into a pool or something."

'No kidding. Hey, do you want to, like, go to the beach today or something?'

"I dunno, maybe, I dunno. We'll see."

And so on and so forth.

So I vow never to speak those words again. Like, omigod, seriously.

Ok, STOP.

2006-08-08T10:11:00.000-07:00

You would think with all these atrocities going on in the world, ie. Lebanon, Afghanistan, Iraq, people would understand by now that warfare is overrated. But no. Which is why I propose we all stop letting a 5-year-old cowboy and his cronies (yes, Harper, I said it) run the world. The world is flat, and we are all going over the edges.